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Oh it gets so much worse. Train is now parked up just outside Manchester with zero power. Another 10mins is worth £35 at this point

Did you get there in the end?

Zeno's train ride.

Yeah, 56 minutes late in the end. I would have happily traded another 4 minutes for £35. Next time I'll sabotage a door or two

(For the benefit of British transport police, the above is satire)