How to know when it's time to go | Hacker News Reader

How to know when it's time to go

bitfieldconsulting.com

60 pointschautumn61 comments

>Ultimately, work that’s too easy is no fun, and it’s not the basis of a rewarding career. All you’re doing is selling time, and as you get a little older you’ll come to realise that time is a non-renewable resource.

There's this strange myth that white collar workers try and find meaning or reward in their work. If the stars align so that the unquenchable thirst from your brain can be satiated with white collar work then great, keep going. But I suspect that work is just that, selling your time for survival and comfort in other parts of your life. It's even weirder that we place the onus of finding such meaning on the worker when we've built an economic system that expects them to behave like Homo Economicus; getting the best possible economic reward for the smallest possible input. Most of us don't have the luxury of pursuing challenge, putting food on the table is hard enough as it is.

There's plenty of meaning up for grabs in parts of life that don't have anything to do with money. I think as a species we've optimized for the wrong thing; there's a better life to be had with quality leisure time than the convenience lifestyle our current economy seems aimed at. Sell as little of your time for as much as you can get for it and invest that time where you're sure to derive meaning from it.

> There's this strange myth that white collar workers try and find meaning or reward in their work.

It’s not entirely a myth. I am one of those people. But I do think that most people kind of just go through the motions.

It’s possible that my work history helped shape my perspective. My earliest jobs were things like unloading trucks, stocking shelves, and waiting tables. Those are hard jobs, physically. When I finally got a desk job, it felt like I had finally arrived at something. Boredom was certainly present, at times, but it was easily mitigated by simply thinking: boring jobs are the ones that require little thought; jobs that require little thought are perfect for computers; how can I make a computer do this? Then it was fun again. And my employers always loved this line of thinking because they were getting more for their money.

So it’s not that white collar workers (or even blue collar workers) try to find meaning in their work. Some do, some don’t. It’s that they SHOULD.

>So it’s not that white collar workers (or even blue collar workers) try to find meaning in their work. Some do, some don’t. It’s that they SHOULD.

Since blue collar work tends towards more tangible outcomes I would think finding meaning in blue collar work is easier, but that's speaking as an office drone. Maybe the grass is greener, but it seems to me that receiving a broken motorcycle and it leaving your shop running is easier to find meaning in than delivering TPS reports. On the other hand, shoving out burger number fifty thousand doesn't seem steeped in inherent meaning either.

And that illustrates my point; if you end up in a situation where you have a job turning a crank, be it white or blue collar, and it's hard to get out of that situation because it's your only income, then pursuing something more meaningful is very difficult. Maybe you can convince yourself that because your work has economic meaning you are fulfilling someone's needs somewhere, but when you come home too exhausted to enjoy your own time you can quickly spiral into nihilism.

The mental trick I have always used, and the rationale I have employed to make myself feel better, is that a good job matters more than a bad job. This is not always true. But it is often true. And in my life it has been true often enough that people have noticed, commented on it, and I have been explicitly promoted because of it.

I hear the comment about coming home too tired to enjoy one’s own time. That happens to me even now, in a fulfilling job. I often feel too tired to even play a video game (it doesn’t help that many games feel like work). The only solution I’ve found to that particular problem is to find a different job. Fortunately, in my current job, it does not happen often enough that I am willing to give it up just yet. And I still see a path (and progress) toward my goals in my current job.

You seem to be very lucky to have found your niche.

In most companies people neither notice, nor comment and certainly don't promote you for doing a good job.

Most corporate software engineering job are about how good you are playing the corporate social games. Being exceptionally good at programming does not matter. It can even be a hindrance as it means you get more work and are less likely to be promoted as you are "irreplaceable" and your coworkers and hire-ups might start to hate you because they feel threatened by you.

The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.

For me it is pretty clear that there was work-before-I-started-raising-a-young-family and work after.

To be clear, it wasn't over-night. After all, it took me quite a bit of time to adjust to my new role in life as "father". But once it started to embrace me (or, you know, vice-versa) the importance of work and its rewards diminished significantly.

In short, I was soon content to put in the work that got the job done, but I had few aspirations of climbing any kind of career ladder. "Dad" was my new and dominant identity. The paycheck was how I could take the girls on vacations, get them bicycles, fix up the house we lived in, etc.

I think this is what is missing from most people (especially here, where its more likely to be dream driven?).

Once you have a kid (and properly well adjusted), your life is no longer yours. You can't go on a sabbatical as a father. Your child's future will appear to be the most important thing to you and everything becomes secondary.

I think this is probably what life is for the majority of people. Work is just something they do to sustain the life of their family. They don't have the time (nor interest, nor care) to keep up with C++ conference, the latest JavaScript libraries, etc etc.

This is one of the reason why I think that "dead jobs" is not necessarily a bad thing. It points to a much larger question of "why are we even doing this in the first place?"

>This is one of the reason why I think that "dead jobs" is not necessarily a bad thing. It points to a much larger question of "why are we even doing this in the first place?"

That's a wonderfully succinct way of putting it. We've lost sight of what the economy is for, or maybe we've never had it nailed.

Dead jobs can be fine. I've done brain dead system administration for 3 days a week with a 4 day weekend. My bills were paid. I have a more stressful higher paying job now but it wasn't worth it; the new car is nice but on the whole I would've been better off driving a beater and having the time and energy to live life on my own terms. I think that's why I'm doing it in the first place.

My experience is there is this dynamic you are describing, and then there's the period when your kids enter late adolescence or get ready to go off to college, and suddenly it's time to invent yourself again.

It can be very difficult to adjust to the process for when your kids are no longer tied to you at the hip for physical and emotional support on the day to day cycle and it's more on the macro ... financial... level.

Yeah, the empty nest is a trying time when you've identified primarily as "father" for over two decades.

At the same time, "reinventing myself" was to retire at exactly that moment. I was lucky of course to be able to do that — by cashing-out the expensive California home and then "down size" back to the midwest where I grew up.

I am considering substitute teaching in the area in order to maintain an income — a more modest one, this being Nebraska.

> invest that time where you're sure to derive meaning from it.

all my time is taken up with doing work, chores at home and childcare.

I feel fucking depressed.

I know it doesn’t feel good on the spot, but as a single hopeless man, I can tell you that having children is meaning.

If only because the world doesn’t listen to single men. So, enjoy your glimpse of power. Repeat your life day after day, and you will understand one day.

I’ve never understood this infinite loop thinking. Why is it meaning to create new people who in turn will have to create new people to derive meaning for themselves?

Where do you propose meaning be derived?

If you aren't being listened to, it could be that your form of communication isn't in line with the listeners. The same signal is being interpreted differently between sender and receiver.

Just a possibility to look into. Hope you're well.

I’m in the same boat! I wouldn’t say I feel depressed though, I’d say strained. There’s no “me” time.

The thing that keeps me going (besides love for my family) is a little bit of hope. How can you take small steps toward a more balanced place today?

Do you know what self care you need? How can you start making time for it? Can your wife / parents / in law help? Can you hire someone? Or can you combine stuff?

For a while (before I fell off wagon), I was jogging with my kiddo so I took one task (watching kid) and knocked out 3 birds with it (watching kid, giving kid outside time, exercising)

Another one: I want to start eating more healthy. And my kid doesn’t eat vegetables on his own. So during his meal times I started eating a bowl of veggies with him. I eat veggies, and he will often start eating with me too. Win / win.

It’s the small things that help me get through.

> Do you know what self care you need? How can you start making time for it? Can your wife / parents / in law help? Can you hire someone? Or can you combine stuff?

yes skiing is my passion in life. I feel like it was brutally taken away from me ( by me) . Haven't found a way to make it happen because we don't live anywhere close to mountains.

How old are your kids? I found it was really tough for me until they hit around age 3 or 4. Getting them into school helped enormously. As they grew older it became easier for me to reason with them and they also became more capable of taking care of themselves and even helping me with some things.

There's plenty of meaning up for grabs in parts of life that don't have anything to do with money.

nicely said, but the most significant (time-wise) portion of our lives is earning means to do other parts. if I am miserable for 8-9-10 hours per day chances are I will he fairly miserable the rest of the time as well…

That is exactly my point. We have designed the economy with the expectation that anyone able should be investing that much time to make ends meet, when we could lower our expectations and output to ease that burden instead. But that is an entirely radical paradigm shift in the direction of solar punk / degrowth that the world just doesn't seem interested in.

could not agree more. I look at this as basic economics, in order to “have more” you have basically two choices:

- increase earnings

- decrease expenses

In USA at least, I think the 2nd group is <1% of people

Work is not just something one has to do in exchange for the allowance to do more meaningful non-work things, or at least it shouldn't. Your view sounds like escapism.

To work is to take part in the economy, ie in the collective endeavor to produce a better life.

Now of course, our modern world being based on decoupling the work from its output, maybe I'm the one sounding like an escapist right now :)

> "There's this strange myth that white collar workers try and find meaning or reward in their work."

White collar workers might not; "white collar" encompasses a broad range of employment including repetitive clerical work.

Members of a profession¹ can and often do because they are talented enough to have some level of choice in what career path they go down, giving them the opportunity to seek meaning in their work. Software development used to be a profession but today most coding jobs are merely a complicated form of clerical work that doesn't really require that much skill or education (people on HN say this all the time). So while it's not surprising to hear some people say that it's a myth, I will say that it's not a myth everywhere in the tech industry.

¹ In the specific sense of "a paid occupation, especially one that involves prolonged training and a formal qualification."

>because they are talented enough to have some level of choice

That's doing a whole lot of work. I don't want to get into the myth of meritocracy, but you have to be extremely lucky to be able to invest the time and effort to end up in a career that is personally fulfilling. Not saying we disagree. There is absolutely a subset of workers who's values and interests align with what is currently economically viable, but they're few and far between and the odds are stacked against most.

I had a job that became way too easy as time went on. It broke me in unexpected ways I'll likely never recover from, even more than a decade later.

Powerful comment. I am trying to understand more behind those statements.

Please elaborate?

Yes. Please.

I know what you mean (I think).

That's probably the main reason I left what was otherwise my best job. I knew that if I stayed longer, I'd never be employable anywhere else, both because I'd have stopped learning, and because I'd have grown too comfortable/scared to move.

The other problem with an easy job is the boredom. If you are in office or even remote but present, remaining engaged but bored for 8hrs/day is torture.

Absolutely. I'm having this problem at the moment.

I was a system administrator for a small services firm. When I started in 1997 there was easily enough work to fill 40 hours per week, but as time went on, I smoothed all the issues out, and the actual workload slowly dropped. Additionally, there were some issues with the in-house database (Smiley) developed by the consultant I replaced.

Since I had quite a bit of free time, I attempted to address those issues with a system wide upgrade, which would have saved quite a bit of time for the accounting department and others... but due to risk-aversion, they didn't adopt the changes... so I tried again later... and by attempt #3, I had a new version running which kept sync with everything in the legacy version.... and they still wouldn't bite.

In the end I was showing up, making sure everyone's computers were working ok, and then waiting for things to break. The 3 attempts to upgrade Smiley took all initiative I had at self-starting, and broke me. It's more than a decade later, and I can't find the self-confidence to stick to any long term projects.

I learned a lot of things, having essentially a decade of free time to pursue any rabbit holes I cared to, back when Google actually worked. But thanks to the anti-incentive with Smiley, and a case of Long Covid and the accompanying brain fog... any progress on personal projects is scatter-shot at best. See my frequent mentions of BitGrid here, for an example.

> you’re the king of a very small hill, and one that will eventually be washed away by rising sea levels. If this is the case, you need to migrate to higher ground before it’s too late. But many people will hesitate, fatally, because they don’t like the idea of getting their feet wet.

So true in the Age of AI.

My issue is I'm not sure where the higher ground will exist or how realistic it is for me to believe that there will be enough room for me. Things in tech are changing alarmingly fast and the hype around it makes it very difficult to sort out the truth from the rest.

> It’s no good nursing your private resentments for years, while telling your boss once a week that everything’s fine, and then suddenly walking out on them.

Strongly disagree with this point. Your departure should be an enormous shock to management, otherwise you've just spent weeks or months mouthing off about work to them, they've not fixed anything and indeed might even have lined up your replacement already.

I agree with you that anyone who don't get the appreciation they deserve should leave and make it painful for management. But I think whether or not you should keep talking is highly situational. If you have a manager/boss who genuinely cares about you (hard to tell most of the time from personal experience), then the next paragraph of the article makes sense:

> Instead, you should make sure that if you’re unhappy about something, your boss knows it pretty much as soon as you do.

Keeping a paper trail of those discussions also help even if it's just for sanity check for your future self.

Chances are most people won't help you because most people are bystanders or cowards in those situations (anecdotal, maybe everyone I know and I are unlucky).

I think business relationship is not that dissimilar to other relationships. I think you should voice your concerns, while still letting the manager know that you are open to disagree and still commit. Only when your disagreement becomes too strong, then you leave.

If you have concerns and constructive feedback, I found most managers to have agreeable reactions to it.

Maybe I was just lucky, but I did have this experience across four companies. What you should not do is bare criticism without constructive feedback. Most managers will respond positively, even if nothing happens in the end. And after voicing it for several times, you can feel better for leaving, because you also did what you could from your end.

This level of 'us vs. them' doesn't really help anybody. If your employer is actually this cutthroat (I imagine the majority are not) then perhaps this tactic is warranted. But as a general recommendation, TFA has a valid point regarding a potential source for a strong reference or even future collaboration. Burning bridges should always be a last resort. Also, I don't think the author is recommending 'mouthing off' but rather sitting down and having a civil discussion.

I agree with this outcome. When you do raise issues nothing gets done about them and so if you continue down that path they will see the writing on the wall and plan your replacement.

“Everything is fine” until a key milestone is hit - it’s time to move on, or there’s an internal role you’d like to apply for.

It just feels so good to think that I can just get out and forget all about it. It relaxes me, and it brings me tears of joy.

Yesterday I've spent 8 hours hoping that I could do a super easy task, I had to cry before I could focus and do that (it took me 15 minutes, mental preparation for it took me 7 hours).

The problem though, I haven't interviewed for 6 years and it is very likely that I will not find anything for at least a year.

Another problem, I don't feel like coding, ever. I've spent 15 years doing it and, in general, I am not passionate about it at all. I just don't want to do it anymore.

After I've written entire systems that serve ok (I hope). I just can't do a single if statement without DPDR symptoms anymore.

I am so thoroughly done, I just can't imagine doing this for another month. Boss knows, everyone else knows too. I sort of coast for a month and then it is likely that I am gone. I hope I will be gone on good terms.

The biggest question is what is next for me in life? I have absolutely no idea.

I don’t understand how talented engineers can just job hop. I’ve spent 6 years at the current job, and while I feel safe and ready to try something new they’ve thrown so much RSUs at me (and their stock has done so well) that I stand to lose a life-changing sum of money if I just leave. People casually changing their jobs feel about as foreign to me as people who purposely seek a sense of meaning from their job. Am I thinking about this wrong, or is this just the “golden handcuffs” thing people sometimes speak of.

I often find myself daydreaming of, post-vesting, moving somewhere cheaper and getting a part time job at a coffee shop. Now that I’m largely out of survival mode, I dream of a life where I can just own a home and participate in a community without being stuck in a place that feels like one big ponzi scheme. I feel like any corporate engineering job is built to steal as much of that from you as possible.

You think most hoppers are walking away from life changing money?

You think hoppers aren’t calculating it’s in their interest to hop?

not everyone is offered "life changing" somes of money to stay?

Perhaps not, I honestly don’t really know what the average experience in software is like. I keep hearing people online simultaneously talk about making mid-six-figure salaries and also job hopping, I might just be conflating two possible life situations.

The issue that I have with this type of article and why they never resonate with me is that they seem to assume you’ll be able to find a job with a similar salary if not a higher one, by snapping your fingers.

I’ll tell you my experience: I’ve been working for 21 years, and I’ve only worked for two companies in that time period (there was a short stint at a third one, but I didn’t fully quit one of the other two so I never really “left”).

At my current job, where I’ve been for 14 of those 21 years, I feel simultaneously underappreciated and overpayed. They pay me too well, to the extent of considering myself lucky if I was able to find a job where I could get 50% of the pay. Yet it bothers me that in 21 years, my only promotion was from junior to senior dev. I’ve seen a few people that I don’t consider better than me, neither from a technical point of view nor a soft skills one, being promoted several times and manage a bunch of people, and that bothers me. The reasons behind it are a mix of being the last member of the “old guard” before a new CTO came about and turned the tables from a technology perspective, and also working remotely. However I’ve always worked hard, created few new issues and solved a bunch of old ones, so they kept giving me unsolicited pay rises.

I’m not crazy about getting into management, however with the rise of AI I think there’s a decent chance of my job being replaced by a machine in the next 5 to 10 years, if not sooner. And even before AI, not many companies are crazy about old tech people without managerial experience.

I’m not good enough to land a job at a FAANG, esp. with my background, and being from a southern European country and as a nearly 45yo with a 3yo child it just won’t happen. But mostly because I’m just not good enough.

We have a saying in my country: would you rather be the tail of a lion or the head of a mouse? I feel like the tail of a mouse, but the job pays too well, so I’m stuck and feeling miserable every day.

A couple things struck me from what you said:

- Have you talked to your manager about a promotion?

- On one hand you said it bothers you that others are being promoted to managerial positions, on the other you said you’re not crazy about getting into management. It’s ok to not go into management - the developer career path does not begin as a developer and end as a manager, it begins as a developer and ends as a developer. And on the flip side, the software development manager career path typically begins as a developer and ends as a manager. They’re just different paths, one will fit better than the other.

- When you have a young child, consistency and security are good features in a job. You can take risks later if that’s what you want to do. In my opinion, some stagnancy is a reasonable trade off to better enjoy these early years with your kid that you’ll only get once.

Hey, I'm really sorry that you feel this way. I happen to know a lot of people who were/are in similar situations as the one you described, many of whom I have worked with for at least a few years, some are very young and some are a bit older.

They all knew that they had to leave because they were feeling miserable but they didn't because they were scared of not being able to find a job elsewhere. What didn't help was that management threw just enough money at those who're perceived to be performing well and made it even harder for them to leave.

Eventually layoffs happened. Almost all of them ended up finding better work conditions and substantially higher salaries elsewhere except for the most senior ones who have been around for a long time. The problem with the very senior (staff +) engineers is mostly only a salary problem because (relatively) they have been too loyal and don't have the track record to convince people that they are worth as much as they claim they do. The problem is that the longer you stay, the more this is a problem -- so if you see somewhere that you can take a small pay cut to get the opportunity to grow and be happier and have more room to grow, you probably should start trying now.

I can't comment much about your situations but at least in my country engineers are relatively well-paid -- yet people still hesitate to leave because of family, or mortgage or... whatever reasons they can come up with. Those are usually just excuses in my opinion -- nobody is asking you to ditch everything today without a plan. There is certainly a chance that you can get a job elsewhere and end up not passing probation, but that's up for you to gauge.

At the end of the day there is really nothing stopping you from trying except for yourself and irrational thoughts. Staying at the same job for too long is a risk in itself, it doesn't stop them from giving you a month of notice now and you'll be gone next month -- it doesn't matter if you're hardworking or if you think you know some parts of the system better than anyone. No matter how hard you try, emotions do leak slowly over time even if you're very careful to not show them, so be careful about that too.

It may sound harsh but if it has been going on for a long time and you are not willing to take (calculated) risks and make small, temporary sacrifice for a potentially better future, you are basically just victimizing yourself.

Start by applying for jobs and interview. If you think this management will likely get rid of you because of AI then that's more reason to go somewhere else that may value you more. Nobody knows how well AI will get compared to any of us, but if you're worried now then do something about it: expand your skill set horizontally, actually look for other opportunities regularly, _connect_ with people so that you're not just a number on a payroll, etc.

I wish you all the best and find meaning and hope in what you do soon!

At my current job, where I’ve been for 14 of those 21 years, I feel simultaneously underappreciated and overpayed.

This is a really, really good problem to have. In my opinion, you should look for fulfillment elsewhere in life.

I don't really know your situation, so this is not really an answer to you, but I know way too many people in this situation, so I'll chime in with some experience.

My previous company is a horrible workplace, so after I left a lot of ex-colleagues also revealed they've also been wanting to leave. They all mention the job market currently sucks and that "the pay is too good and nobody is giving the same salary". So they all stayed at the company and are complaining about the ridiculous 1.5% salary increase which the HR attributes to "the CTO being spineless and afraid of the CEO".

I have passed their numbers to recruiters, I have recommended them at companies I said "no" to, I have even took time to coach them. But when I talk with recruiters it's the same: "ah yeah your guy just ghosted me", "can you ask them to reply to my email?", "they missed the first interview I set up for them".

Digging deeper, they're all depressed. They're not doing sports/activities, not going out anymore, not traveling, not replying to messages...

My friends from the company that are still thriving at the job? I still see every week.

Three of the happy ones got promotions straight from the CEO, because the problematic CTO does not give promotions. The other happy ones all work in different parts of the company.

So for anyone in this situation I would stop and assess your mental health. A job can really fuck you up, and some bosses will fuck you up regardless of how good you are.

So: It might be the case that the problem is the job, it might be the case that the problem is not there, but it requires one to spend a non-trivial amount of energy that is currently being sucked by the job.

I think it’s always important to have ambitious life goals. Goals can be career-related. But at least a few should be about your personal life. So, for me, it has always been easy to decide when to go. Is work helping me reach my goals or standing in my way?

As an example, in the early 2000’s I had a comfortable, well-paying job in IT. But I wanted to be a part of something bigger. I wanted to be an expert, pushing the boundaries of science. For awhile, my job helped me pay for school—my extra training directly benefitted the projects I worked on. But eventually, I could see that I was not going to achieve my goals. And even though I loved my job, and my coworkers, it was clear that I had to leave. I do not regret my decision, even though I took a big pay cut to go to grad school, for a long time.

If you don’t have goals, though… god help you.

Did you reach your goals?

Yes. Of course, I have new ones now. I’m still working on those.

>If you don’t have goals, though… god help you.

Lots of people have goals, both winners and losers.

It's much better to focus on process and let the chips fall where they may.

“Don’t quit your job until you already have your next one” - old saying I received from my family

"Go look for another job and do the bare minimum not to get fired" - advice I got from an ex-manager.

I think the "don't have an exit interview" advice isn't applicable everywhere. Where I work, we would really like the feedback if you're leaving, so we know what to improve. If you're frustrated and want to vent, that's fine, that's still useful feedback. Nobody would retaliate because you gave bad feedback (and, if you're leaving, we know it's going to be bad).

I think declining an exit interview is bad advice for the exact same reason that venting during an exit interview is bad advice. Declining makes you look obstinate and can be used against you as well. You can just give neutral feedback ("grey-rocking") like the post mentions.

One thing that I realized recently is that humans are not "designed" to be happy. We will always not be content with the current state of being. We will always be looking for the next improvement or change.

In a sense, what humans actually care about is the derivative of their state. The absolute state doesn't matter that much.

I mean, why would it? Why would evolution design a creature that is content? Happiness and contentment only works (for survival purposes) if it is fleeting.

At some point, I was happy just _thinking_ of buying good, beefy PCs so everything becomes snappy. However, now that I can literally buy them, I don't have that desire anymore.

In fact, I have no idea what to do with my money? I was happy just living with my parents and I could probably afford to do that until the end of their days. But now that I do have the money, that "dream" is no longer there.

I guess what I am trying to get at is to no be trapped by the illusion of "the next good thing". Its designed to be a treadmill. Learn how to be happy with what you have.

Yes, your brain's main goal is survival. You don't need to be happy to live.

Hedonism is a dead end. The best way is to make up some higher meaning for oneself, be it creating a better world, raising a child, spirituality, being an artist or whatever. You concerns should be bigger than yourself but still manageable.

>In a sense, what humans actually care about is the derivative of their state.

I suspect humans mostly care about the delta between their state and that of their friends and neighbours. It takes a great deal of fortitude to ignore the fact that those around you are materially richer.

> I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. When you hate your job, no matter how much you try to put up with it, there comes a point where you’re mad as hell and you’re just not going to take it anymore. So, maybe this is the right moment to reflect: is it time to go?

I think only people who have stayed long enough would feel that way: and chances are by the time you feel this way it's because of external things that you can't change, and internal (values) that you are unwilling to adjust/sacrifice.

If you get to this point then you should probably just go and _maybe_ leave the reflection till later -- at that point it's too far beyond the point to reflecting on whether you should go or not.

> For example, if you’ve already become a so-called “senior” developer at Company A, and then you apply for the same job at Company B, you may find that their definition of “senior” is rather different, and that you don’t meet it. You’re a victim of title inflation: the currency of “senior” has become devalued.

Keep in mind that there are companies that do the opposite: they make you feel like you are not worth as much so that they can underpay you as much as possible, and only start throwing money at you when they are scared that you may leave and your leaving can have substantial impact on the company.

If you have never worked at places like that before I'm happy for you but know that there are lots of these places out there that manage to keep very bright people. These places typically have people with very high IQ in execs/management and they do everything to convince you that everything is about the mission (usually a genuinely worthwhile mission). They have long selection processes that weed out those who are _only_ technically capable -- they only hire those who are technically capable, will truly believe in the mission, kind, and subservient. They typically have long interviews (2 months + regardless of what level you are) and ask very probing questions (many would find uncomfortable even if they end up accepting the job) during topgrading so that they can identify whether or not they can hold you hostage.

The result is they will make you feel incompetent forever, and you will only realise how good you actually are when you finally have the courage to step outside -- by that time you will likely have been paid "unfairly" for years and have your career hampered.

> In particular, the HR department is not your friend. They’re not your enemy, necessarily, but they exist to protect the company from you, and not vice versa.

I find these kind of literal explanation of situations pretty pointless. When you are in a tough situation, and assuming that you are reasonable, then the party that isn't protecting your interest is literally your enemy. If the company wants to fire you and HR is doing that anyway (sometimes even doing everything they can to silence you even know they know it's unreasonable or even unlawful), then they're your enemies.

Only people who are reasonable and care for others will read statements like "they're not your friend but also not your enemy" as something meaningful, think about it and make their own lives hell. I wish people would stop giving this type of pseudo advice to people like they are presenting a balanced view when it really isn't.

"Hey, it's literally their job to screw you over to protect the company even when it's morally wrong, so don't blame them for just doing their job, OK?" Does that sound reasonable to you?

> In particular, you should give your boss a chance to change your mind—or, at least, you should let them feel that they’ve had that chance.

Making them feel like they have that chance is fine, giving them that chance is actually bad advice. If you have made up your mind to leave and made preparations, hopefully you have a job lined up if you're not retiring, then don't give them any chance and don't cave in to more money (if they can pay you substantially more that also shows that they have been underpaying you knowingly and your manager haven't been looking out for you anyway -- the relationship is already broken and you will just fell more miserable if you accept it). The whole point of this article is that you already hate it and want to go, so don't think twice and make it more difficult for yourself.

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