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But I assume that is because of the people on that specific server, not because of the software? Or is there something about discord that enables it, that IRC etc. does not have?

I hang out with friends that predate discord, on discord and can't see it. Same with new servers.

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happens on irc constantly too

chat rooms are cliques, almost always

choose any sufficiently populated room on libera chat, join, and start talking a lot without lurking first for awhile and see how the inhabitants react

try going to a pub on a Saturday night, walking up to a group of people you’ve never met, having a conversation, and start talking about something completely unrelated, and see how they react.

what you’re seeing in online chat communities is just basic social interaction reflected online

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