Trying to "live my life" has been the only answer to the grief, but it also has been profoundly painful and unproductive. I don't feel like I'm actually making progress... just perpetually existing in this state where I can never get my needs met as every last ounce of support, love and any family connection drains out of me.
Try to think of things that would have made him happy or proud of you. Do those things not just for them... but for yourself too. Keep their memory alive through your words and actions.
Feel your feelings... I've had to spend a lot of time just sobbing. Absorbing it trying to let it pass over me... I try not to fight it anymore. In fact I think sometimes I embrace it too much. Eventually you get better at holding it and letting it go... like a breeze of wind.
You will never forget them, you will have their memory forever. I don't know what comes after the grief of how to get through it but I'm trying to hang on with every last bit of strength I have left.