Parents favor daughters: A meta-analysis of predictors of differential treatment
psycnet.apa.org
psycnet.apa.org
I do confess that, if we were fortunate enough to have three children, I would prefer at least one of them be of the other sex but the preference is exceedingly mild and I'd rather have all the children we can have than have ones of any specific gender.
[1]: https://journalistsresource.org/criminal-justice/courts-leni...
But this paper seems determined to ignore that granting freedom to different children will have different results. It says: "Conscientious and agreeable children also received more favored treatment. For conscientious children, favoritism was strongest when based on differences in conflict (i.e., more conscientious children had relatively less conflict with their parents)."
That seems less like "favoritism" and more like "the natural consequence of acting in a trustworthy manner".
The paper addresses that criticism by claiming, without citation: "Whether differential control is developmentally appropriate or not, siblings may not see it as fair".
We can talk about more-effective mechanisms to support good behavior, but the idea that every child should be treated the same regardless of how trustworthy they are seems patently ridiculous. Actions have consequences, even for children.
"Why are boys not being taught to be conscientious?" seems like a more fruitful question than "how can we make parents be meaner to girls?"
I know it is somewhat caricature. But "my brother is lazier and parents never have him do any chores so that there is less conflict" is not fairness despite there being no conflict.
Less conscientious kid means there have to be more conflict.
Is there a chance that boys and girls are favored in different ways and that’s just not being captured correctly? I know my parents treated me (male) and my sisters very differently but it’s hard to say if anyone was “favored”…
https://www.johnlocke.org/boys-are-treated-like-defective-gi... https://www.foundationfather.com/p/boys-are-not-defective-gi...
> "Why are boys not being taught to be conscientious?" seems like a more fruitful question than "how can we make parents be meaner to girls?"
Woah now, hang on just a bit. I think you made a bit of a leap there. Let's recall that the authors reported a "slight" preference and a "small" effect. One thing that could explain this is simply how girls mature at a faster rate in childhood and adolescence. After all, the authors report, "Results showed that when favoritism was based on autonomy and control, parents tended to favor older siblings." If you control for age, then I'd expect sex-related differences in maturity to become more pronounced.
"So can you understand why I want a daughter while I'm still young? I want to hold her hand and show her some beauty before this damage is done. But if it's too much to ask, if it's too much to ask Then send me a son"
This stuff is all cultural. Girls are seen as (and in reality are) more vulnerable in general, and in many cultures primogeniture was the norm and "feels right" at some level. As society progressed, inheritance isn't so strict, and women are empowered to live as full citizens.
But the old cultural norms are still baked in. Alot of the madness in our current society is the collision of the modern world with assumptions.
I'm not surprised. Parenting is a tough gig. It's natural to favor the child that makes it easier.
1. Child who isn't favored feels alienated
And choose one of the following:
2a. When the agreeable child grows up and learns valuable skills-- how to say no, how to assert themselves and their needs-- they'll feel the "natural" favored treatment from their parents start to change, and that will damage their relationship
2b. Agreeable child doesn't develop the skills to assert themselves for fear of damaging their relationship with their parents (which they "naturally" know is based on their agreeableness) and harbor resentments among other unhealthy habits
Well...yeah that's why you shouldn't favor children.
I never said it was problem-free. Only natural.
You say that as if it's a foregone conclusion?
We have two children, each one on their own extreme end of the agreeability spectrum. One has been a breeze to raise, the other is its own full-time job. The end result is that our "easy" child sometimes feels ignored while the more challenging one soaks up most of our attention and time.
> 2a. When the agreeable child grows up and learns valuable skills-- how to say no, how to assert themselves and their needs-- they'll feel the "natural" favored treatment from their parents start to change, and that will damage their relationship
Again, I don't see why that would be the case. A _good_ parent teachers their child to be independent and make their own decisions and is proud of them when they do.
> 2b. Agreeable child doesn't develop the skills to assert themselves for fear of damaging their relationship with their parents (which they "naturally" know is based on their agreeableness) and harbor resentments among other unhealthy habits
If that happens, that is the fault of overbearing and/or controlling parents. Good parents teach their kids when to speak up for themselves, accept valid criticism, and otherwise teach effective communication.