There's really two problems as I understand it:
- Overcommit. Linux will "overcommit" memory: allocations will succeed when there's no memory, and then hang when the page is actually mapped if no physical pages are available (to my understanding.) Windows NT doesn't do this. Not sure exactly how macOS/XNU handles it.
- The OOM killer. Because allocations don't fail, to actually recover from an OOM situation the kernel will enumerate processes and try to kill ones that are using a lot of memory, by scoring them using heuristics. The big problem? If there isn't a single process hogging the memory, this approach is likely to work very poorly. As an example, consider a highly parallel task like make -j32. An individual C++ compiler invocation is unlikely to use more than a gigabyte or two of memory, so it's more likely that things like Electron apps will get caught first. The thrashing of memory combined with the high CPU consumption of compilers that are not getting killed will grind the machine to a near-complete halt. If you are lucky, then it will finally pick a compiler to kill, and set off a chain reaction that ends your make invocation.
There are solutions... Indeed, you can use quotas with cgroups. There's tools like systemd-oomd that try to provide better userspace OOM killing using cgroups. You can disable overcommit, but some software will not function very well like this as they like to allocate a ton of pages ahead of time and potentially use them later. Overcommit fundamentally improves the ability to efficiently utilize all available memory. Ultimately I think overcommit is probably a bad idea... but it is hard to come up with a zero-compromises solution that keeps optimal memory/CPU utilization but avoids pathological OOM conditions by design.