Because some of us know this to be a real thing, taken straight, word-for-word.

If that was meant to be a comedy piece, the author accidentally wrote a factual article.

> The more you love someone, the more ardently you should feel not just obligated but driven to want to destroy the people your loved one wishes ill.

Bars.

For whatever reason sarcasm doesn't seem to work with a predominantly American audience. Brits would get this straight away.

Poe's law.

(It's also not very well written.)

...wait for the EU comments.