Just give the man the fish (i.e. just answer the question)
blog.plover.com
blog.plover.com
I had similar experience with #perl on Freenode, the people there were very helpful and I don't think anyone there intended any amusement at my expense. But getting your weird questions answered was like pulling teeth.
Now, I always try to answer the original question first, then follow up with additional explanation about why doing something might be a bad idea or lead to future inconvenience.
It can be frustrating when you keep seeing what seem like low effort questions. At the same time, consider the frustration on the other side when you ask a question and then got a long answer that didn't exactly answer. Further, consider that frustration in reading a question online is something you bring to the situation. You can always not respond.
“He's wasting my time!” No, you're _choosing_ to waste your time; make better choices.
“But I can't help myself!” That's your problen, it's not the other guy's fault.
I've even seen people say literally that they were being forced to answer newbie questions.
(Edit: for example, see the comment in this thread that characterizes question-asking as “harassment”. Annoying, perhaps. Harassment? Spare me.)
They'll always have somewhat plausible reasons for why they shouldn't just give the information, but in reality they're just being assholes in order to watch the new guy squirm. How they add the fig leaf depends on the forum.
Get real. All they are doing is asking questions in an Internet discussion forum. EFnet #perl was on IRC. IRC clients have a mute function. If you feel that someone asking questions on IRC is “harassment”, use the mute function.
"What are you really trying to do?"
"ABC is not how I'd solve the problem I imagine you are working on."
"I don't know how to do ABC, but I know how to do DEF..."
"Why do you want to do ABC?"
I mean, thanks for all of your unsolicited design input, I guess, but I'm pretty specifically asking for help with ABC.
Sometimes the answer to the question would still be useful for people who need to use it for a different problem. I wish I had saved these examples, but I've seen numerous SO answers where they don't answer the direct question because it's an "XY Problem". Then someone asks the question again, but specific to a problem where it makes sense and ... it's marked as a fucking duplicate of the one that calls it an XY Problem.
Instead of marking this as duplicate or calling it an XY Problem, how about you X out Your browser window before we have a Problem?
A tangential problem occurs in business. I'll ask someone for some document and they'll reply "I already sent that to you" (contextually this is meant to be snarky - the intent was to demean for being disorganized or whatever). No document attached. Clearly I don't have it, or I wouldn't have asked. It's such a foreign concept to me to not respond with the fucking document even if I wanted to be snarky about having already sent it. The cherry on top is when they say that they already sent it, the document was clearly authored after the time I sent the request, and they don't even bother to apologize.
Give the solution and the reason why it is a bad idea.