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Comment by gopalv | Hacker News Reader

> Nobody says we have to be good at everything we do

This is advice I have to push on my kids constantly, because they are obsessed with finding that one thing they are better than everyone else in the world.

"Do some" is not advice I got as a kid, but my mom eventually figured it out and told me that when was in my mid 20s or something.

Her words (from Malayalam) are best translated as "For whom a little is not enough, nothing is ever enough".

I think that's true for everything from money to self-worth. Enough is too hard to have.

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Can you help me understand your comment? Being the best at one thing is very different from being good at everything, so it's unclear how that advice applies to your children.

Also, what does "do some" mean?

Not OP but I read it as: It's ok to just do some. People stress about their abandoned side projects, their career progression, being the best, this world has become hyper competitive, hyper "do" - this wasn't and isn't the default for a lot of people and a lot of history, there is a lot of joy to be found in just "do some" - but it's a dying art.

To add to this, I think the stress of wanting to be great, or maybe profitable in a certain realm, can stop people from anything like practice on a regular, consistent basis.

They’ll maybe read, watch tutorials, engage in social media, chat about doing a thing, but then never actually do it regularly enough (even poorly or briefly) to see what their improvement trajectory looks like.

They’ll go a week or month between engaging in doing a thing (even if not specifically denoted “practice,”) and only do when bursts of excitement or inspiration hit. And because of the gaps between starting basically from scratch each time, they stay a beginner for years and years with no insight on their actual capabilities. Certainly guilty myself.

Yes, to me this is the movie jiro dreams of sushi. Consistently just do some amount every day with no real expectation and you may very well become the best in the world at it, but that wasn't really the goal, it was the byproduct.

I think “do some” is about putting reasonable effort into things.

I read it as you don’t need to play football, basketball, and be writing a book, but you probably should do something. At the other end you don’t need to be the best in the world at anything, but you should try.

Knowing to cook is a useful life skill. That doesn’t mean learning a dozen types of ethic foods or preparing instagram worthy meals, but it does mean you should learn a little. Thus “do some” not “do everything” or worse “do nothing.”

> Being the best at one thing is very different from being good at everything, so it's unclear how that advice applies to your children.

My kid pushes too hard when he realizes he's plateau'd at some skill level and then gets disappointed at the steepness of the learning curve.

It'll go from chess to skiing, then it is swimming and now he's running a trail 10k in March. While he's able to say Good morning in everything from Esperanto to Klingon, by way of Welsh and Japanese, he's not gotten fluent at any language so far.

Not that any of that is bad in itself, but he goes into a maximum-effort "not fun" mode when he gets moderately good at anything.

The "not fun" mode kills the joy and then the activity becomes almost painful.

Mostly I try to help him stay in the happy zones with "A little is enough" instead of setting himself up for failure constantly like this, by failing his own expectations.

The younger one is obviously out to out-compete the older, so hopefully I only have to do this teaching once for both of them.

I'm not a parent and I know very little about it outside of being an old guy, however I wanted to say for whatever it's worth, this is exactly what I imagine great parenting looks like, so kudos.

That sounds like great parenting, like the kind that figured out what life is about a few times and just passes the wisdom onwards. Reading this made me realize how far I am from being a good parent - I relate more to your child than to you.

Keep up the good work! Parenting is hands down the best thing in the world, ironically, excelling at it goes a really long way.

Sounds like you got a bright child! I think one shouldn't stop a child from exploring many things like that. Not saying you are. I think it just means, that they have not yet found the thing that keeps them coming back for longer time, while they are learning many skills, that can be useful in the future.

Also being a generalist is OK.

Perhaps the best approach is to have conversation with the child, that furthers reflection/introspection. Basically giving the child the tools to notice such patterns themselves and make decisions based on their iwn insight.

I don't think there is anything wrong with going into maximum-effort "not fun mode. That's how you get really good at something.

I wrote my college admissions essay, back in the day, on the virtues of being mediocre at a particular sport, and I'm like, 85% sure that's how I got in.

A great advice. I also put emphasis on a fact that one doesn’t have to be good at something to enjoy it OR need to make money when they’re good at it. Both might be trap.

I love this comment. Conceptually its something that is so valuable but so difficult.

Ivide oru malayali ne kandu muttum ennu njan orikkalum pradishichittila. Nattil evida?

nothing exceeds like excess.

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