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Comment by melvinroest | Hacker News Reader

> 20 years ago, you could go on an online dating site and have a serious hope of finding a real mate for life. I did. Several others I know did.

You still can, you just have to be strategic about it due to a higher noise to signal ratio. I've helped a few of my friends and fellow HN'ers with it.

Each individual case differs, but it is always a variation of looking as your best self (or best photogenic self for online dating) and putting yourself out there a lot. You're looking for someone that you click really well with. So ultimately, it's a needle in a haystack thing.

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It's hard to prove either way, for or against, because behaviors are different in different countries, age groups, apps, and so on. Maybe it works for some segments, but not others.

But I've met countless people, of both genders, who swore that dating apps is a waste of time, and money. They're designed to be gambling machines. The house always wins, which in this case means the customers keep coming back.

Maybe the problem is paid dating aps?

Also enshitification is real there too, I don't think I'd find anyone now on the same dating app I met my spouse on years ago.

I've used dating apps in multiple countries. I always got to where I wanted to be in the dating game (a serious game at that) by being a bit strategic about it. I'm average looking too, at best. My cleft lip scar doesn't help.

I feel most people just don't have the right frame or set of beliefs of looking at it. To be fair, I can be pretty intense about it if that is what the situation requires. I found that most people can't match that intensity, the uncomfortableness overwhelms them. I've seen people close to my intensity, far under it and clearly above it. It's in my opinion a big determinant to fix dating issues when one experiences them.

That's my perspective anyway, it's a bit unique as my journey in it has been a bit unique, I daresay.

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