Who Are The 5 People You Spend Time With?
leostartsup.com
leostartsup.com
I see it backwardsly - the 5 people you spend time with are the ones most like my average. I'm not who I am because of my friends; they're my friends because of who I am. If I were willing to replace one of these 5 with another, I would still be me, but I would have a less-close friendship with that person.
This article seems to suggest we should all dump our current "go nowhere" friends and try to become PG's best friend (or friends with similarly accomplished humans). I counter with the Nash Equilibrium, that PG would exclude most of us, and we'd be stuck back at square one, having to be friends with plain-old each other.
The author himself whittled down his life to 2 other people. What a selfish and lonely life!
The theory breaks down when you don't spend time with anyone, because you can't divide by zero!
A live human being is no more influential to me than a good book. If you really want to get a good "5" and you can't find enough talented people, consider replacing your unwanted friends with dead trees.
It might be different for people with very strong personality but I think it is generally true that we are strongly affected by the people we surround ourselves with.
Interesting thing, the effect is somewhat "laggy". I spent few months with a very hardworking person but I didn't really start following in his footsteps until after 3 months. When I stopped interacting with him, I kept my new-found diligence for 6 months before starting taking things easier again (though I can say I do work harder now than a year ago).
During my first few months here I also started paying more attention to punctuality. But when I started spending more time with my constantly-late friend I lost it somewhere along the way.
So yeah, people around you do affect you in many little ways. It's possible you don't see it, because the change is usually small and happens over time. Would I select my friends basing on their success? Hell no.
This article unfortunately came out in a Tim-Ferris-four-hour-work-week-over-the-top-douhbagery sort of way, but I think the author means well. We shouldn't be sucking up to successful people in hopes of befriending them for profit, nor should we ditch our "go nowhere" friends for fear of drag. But we can always strive to put ourselves in environments that positively influence us.
Are you overweight because your friends are overweight, are your friends overweight because you are overweight, or are all of you overweight because you live in the same unhealthy culture?
Could be that there is no causation at all - just meagre correlation: your friends have nothing to do with your weight, maybe it's just because all of you live close to McDonald's, your close proximity allowed for stronger friendships and bigger bellies.
My (German) hometown friends are all thin, maybe because there is no fast-food around, maybe because we have to walk more to get to places, maybe because of a different food-culture we all come from - in this case, it has nothing to do with what I do with them, but what the environment does with us as a group.
It's possible to be a complete loner and still have a "5". Also count people you don't personally know who influence you through their current works...
Many of my closest friends are not successful, in the conventional sense of the world. They coast through college and float through life. Smoking weed and drinking are their past times.
But you know what, they're my closest friends. They don't hang out with me because I can help them with business or earn them money. They ask me for life advice, not business advice. They don't give a shit about traffic to websites, they care about how many people they can get to laugh at a joke.
They're rooted in the real world, not the tech world. They understand people way more than they understand technology, and I think many of us here on HN could use a dose of that.
So while it is admirable and refreshing to surround yourself with smart and ambitious people, let's not lose sight of our roots and the beauty of loving people for no other reason than that they bring us happiness.
This is a great motto if you actually know what you want. If not, you might choose the wrong people and end up with something that doesn't make you happy.
Also be careful that you don't cut the people out of your life who would have given you an important perspective (or would have had your back).
Being with smart people is good. Being in an echo chamber full of self-important opportunists is not.
That's just sad, centering one's life around others. I present you a different perspective: http://artofmanliness.com/2012/06/11/becoming-an-autonomous-...
There's also a paradox to it; why would anyone who's supposedly "better" than you, have you as a friend?
In other words, people who are supportive and have abilities and interests that complement your own.
I certainly know people who are toxically negative, gripe about everything and complain about perceived injustices, and when I spend time with them I become less motivated. And the converse is true, thinking of one person in particular who I would not consider a friend (in that we don't hang out socially) but who is so positive and energetic about everything that it's hard not to ride that wave when you spend time with him.
Wrong. Extrovert. What about creative introverts?
"... Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me. They’re shy and they live in their heads. The very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone ..." Steve Wozniak, iWoz ~ https://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/opinion/sunday/26shyness....
I read this as equating success by association. Not in the presence of the right company the authour flounders. Woz discredits this idea.
I don't buy it. IMO one of the major factors that encourages success is having a reason for your goals -- often, wanting to provide a good life for your family. In my current household, the five of us (who spend most of our time with each other) have primary ambitions of "make a solid career", "keep the household running smoothly", "recover from severe illness", "learn to poop in the toilet", and "learn to talk". Part of what makes us successful at the first two is the motivation to support the other three.
She is pretty cool.
I visit her about three times a week and we will talk for hours. I wonder why we get along so darn well - I'm a 40 year old single guy with practically zero in common with her - but I always leave her house feeling happy. She will wave goodbye to me from the screen door until I am out of view.
I like watching out for her wellbeing and brightening her day, yet I still feel I'm the one who is benefiting.
True friendship is based on a covenant relationship. I will be with you no matter what and therefore I am your best friend.
That is really, really sad.
This can apply to an individual, but isn't generally true. Close 5 awesome doors, but open two that match you at that point. Alienating people is never, ever an option to consider - there can be exceptions, of course - if there isn't honesty, or the person drools on your floor and throws fecal matter on your wall.
"I am you and what I see is me."
Your personality is reflected through other people. You are a true friend, a helpful person with cool ideas, the other person will follow along, usually. I'll scratch your back and you'll scratch mine.
What can be wrong with having everyone as a friend and helping and get helped by the ones that stick over the years?
Of course in the beginning there is almost no downside: you find yourself with other young motivated entrepreneurs, you share success and failure, the entry to the club is only motivation. If you make it, you will want to surround yourself with other winners, but now the entry to the club is success. That is when statistics and human nature start to play against you.