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> Nearly EVERY site has a dick bar, and the reason I care is

that when reading on my laptop screen, it takes up valuable vertical space on a small display that is in landscape mode. I want to use my screen's real estate to read the freaking content, not look at your stupid branding bar.

And I don't need any on-page assistance to jump back to the top of the page and/or find the navigation. I have a "Home" key on my keyboard and use it frequently.

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TBF, many people don't have that Home key. I agree with you, though - there should be a better solution. At the very least, just have an optional "Top of page" toolbar button in your browser.

Ctrl+↑

That's one option. On macOS, it's fn + Left. On Android, I'm not sure there's anything.

On Android I think the typical interaction if to "fling" the page downward which will rapidly scroll until you crash into the top. Seems adequate for all but the longest pages.

Wasn’t it cmd-up on mac?

On iPhone: Touch the top bar

On MacOS: Click the top part of the scroll bar

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