For what it's worth, I did enjoy reading Gabor Mate and his writing gave some reassurance that addiction is a common way of responding to trauma. Although in my mind, sometimes it verges on "well, I guess I have to be addicted to something," which underscores how lucky I got. I think I dodged a bullet by deciding not to drink alcohol regularly (I can count the number of drinks I've had on one hand, none of them social). I'm not sure what it was but I just sensed something about that route wasn't giving me a good feeling early on. Plus I didn't quite understand the point of drinking a can of beer at home when juice or something was enough. I think I am happy to remain ignorant there.

Because I refused all substances my addiction went to computer-related things and for a very long time that was work, which I guess wasn't all bad since now I have some amount of capital. But since then I've learned to take a better work-life balance and stay healthier. Actually I was afraid for a very long time of becoming a literal NEET and holing up in my room for years expending my life on television and games. If instead I was "productive" then I could create my own virtue and produce objects of substance. But of course life is more nuanced than that. So instead I decided to give myself a break this year and marathon some pieces of media I put off due to "being productive" taking a higher priority for so long. Maybe it's a better problem to have since I likely did several times the amount of work I needed to in a relatively short timespan, so I see it as being "caught up" so to speak.