Don’t understand the need for Tailscale either. When I’m running services or dbs inside the VM, I can easily access them if needed from the host (either by IP or by the hostname I gave to the VM on start up)
The one mixed/negative thing is that language servers will run inside the VM instead of the host where the editor is "running", which can defy your expectations. I find that a plus since language servers love to tie up multiple cores and eat up memory and having that happen inside the constrained VM environment stops my host system from getting bogged down.
I used to edit in a shared mount before and moving to the vscode ssh remote model was a noticeable improvement. It's just faster.
I'm working on a Windows host with a bunch of Linux VMs. Although I can share directories between the host and guests, I prefer to rely on SSH remote because I want to work in the VM's filesystem and its environment. For example, I don't want to care which version of python and what kind of libraries are installed on the host. The VM is supposed to be a container for all that stuff, and different projects have different requirements.
I could probably revise my use of Tailscale. My vague recollection is that I had networking issues when my laptop woke up and Tailscale didn’t have the same issues. Probably a debugging skill issue on my part.
It actually runs the code, including plugins you download from the internet. All your development tools, compilers, etc. are on the remote. And then you just have a blazing fast editor on the front end. It's really unique - you can use Tramp mode in Emacs, but it is extremely slow to copy back and forth. SSH into a remote server? let's just say 200 milliseconds lag when you're trying to input characters is not a good experience.
The highest praise I can give Visual Studio Code is that remote development felt so much like local development that I wondered why it suddenly froze. Well, it turns out it's good, but it still can't deal with a network that's down. That was obvious in retrospect, however I hadn't thought of it at the time because I had completely forgotten I was doing remote development.