Comment by magicalhippo | Hacker News Reader

Comment by magicalhippo | Hacker News Reader

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My SO and me are both introverts, and we've talked a fair bit about it. We both enjoy social events every now and then, but we do need to recharge afterwards.

The common theme for us seems to be that we expend a lot of energy when talking with others. We analyze what they say, in order to come up with thought-through responses or follow-up questions. We don't do "chit chat" as such.

Before such events I dread them, because I know it will feel exhausting. Yet when I'm at them I have a good time. Afterwards however it feels almost exactly like I've been programming hard for a whole day, my brain is spent.

I, unlike my SO, also has some social anxiety. I'm very likely somewhere on the spectrum, as I often feel difficulty getting social interactions right. So I spend some extra energy thinking about what the right response is to this or that, or how to interpret body language. Especially if it's a new setting or a lot of new people this can cause a lot of extra mental work.

This part however has gotten better with the years, mostly because I've stopped caring so much what others think and just let myself be myself more.

I think this is a root well worth understanding. Once I grasped the concept I found it much less stressful. I've even got into public speaking, which horrified me as a child.

I came to realize that I'm really not that important. People aren't watching me. People aren't evaluating or judging me. They forget me when I move on. I'm not profound etc. They don't hang on my every word.

All that are things I put on myself. Nobody really "cares" what I say though, I'm just not that important.

Once I leave my ego out the equation, talking to people is a LOT simpler.

I'm not sure about that. Friends and family members do happen to remember something I or someone else said or did even years ago. People DO watch and pay attention, and often judge.

yes, but that's people you know. Not random strangers at some random party. Talking to strangers is "easier" when you realize that what they think about you does not matter.

Which reminds me that verbal and emotional abuse from parents and close family can have a severe impact reaching far into adult-hood. You can't help having internalized behaviors build around trying to avoid abuse. You can rationally understand that maybe most people aren't judging you like that, but you're also keenly aware that the world is filled with enough who are and with strangers you can never tell who's who.

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