Young Americans Are Marrying Later or Never

My father advised me never to get married. But then he got married for a third time. This one lasted to the end, but she’s a horrible person and definitely contributed to his earlier than necessary death when she didn’t tell anyone he’d fallen. Broken hip. He was soon gone. Fuck her.

I had an unpleasant evening with my partner last month when I told her that I’ll never marry (we live together). After the hell that my father’s third wife made things for his family trying to get him care at the end, it’s just not attractive to me. Living together is enough.

Cost of living.

i actually have some first-hand thoughts on this. i'm in a bit of a bubble as many of my friends are engaged and some are already married (i am a young guy close to graduating college). i have a ton of scattered thoughts on this but the most salient bits are:

- men's expectations are distorted by use of pornography and social media, which nearly always degenerates into abuse and is disturbingly common amongst my age group. "she doesn't look like @PlasticFilter312 on insta so why would i want her." men are more susceptible to this problem than women.

- there is another group of men whose expectations are distorted in the other direction, seeing themselves as basically without value and unworthy of even trying a relationship. "i don't look like @RoidMonkey312 so why would anyone want me." men are less susceptible to this problem than women.

- men got shitty at dating with the death of chivalry. way fewer guys nowadays will pick a girl up for a nice dinner with flowers. this is partially due to dating apps (you need a "smell test" date first to see if it's worth investing in that) and partially because most guys (who fall into the first bucket of artificially raised expectations) don't see a normal woman as valuable.

- men are reminded more of women's past lovers. old insta pics, the ability for one to easily contact the other, the general milieu of promiscuity that pervades some young adult spaces, all wreak hell on a man's insecurities. we are basically wired to guard our mates so we know a kid's ours. the whole "i have a past" thing is a really, really bad start to a relationship, and that past is now much harder to push under the rug. so, despite the fact that zoomers are overall having less sex (though i suspect, but cannot prove, this is highly bimodal, and that the ones dating are having more), that past sex is more apparent and makes many women less attractive as girlfriends to young men.

- the young adult obesity rate is massively higher along with rates of various mental illnesses. this results in 1. a population that is less good at keeping itself groomed and maintained, and 2. a population that, when groomed and maintained, is overall less attractive.

- women's expectations are distorted by the sort of thing you see in romance movies or novels. "if he wanted to, he would." this is compounded by the before mentioned death of chivalry and drop in the perceived attractiveness of the average young women. despite the fact that arguably the trend is upward. "he doesn't look like @RoidMonkey312 so why would i want him." women are less susceptible to this problem than men.

- there is another group of women whose expectations are distorted in the other direction; their self-esteem is trashed and they basically believe they are without value and shouldn't even bother trying a relationship. "i don't look like @PlasticFilter312 so why would anyone want me." women are more susceptible to this problem than men.

- there are limited decent places for young people to meet. this has been hashed and re-hashed. i have advised friends to go to church even if they aren't particularly active Christians simply because upon moving to a new city, it's a bit harder these days to meet new people one's own age and with relatively similar values. i've moved around for internships and tried the strategy of "show up to a local bar, make a new friend group." it works, but they aren't lasting friends. even if she's wife material, she's not while there. i've tried going to run clubs. in some cities they're good, while in others they're filled with thirsty fob indians sort of creeping on women.

i've been lucky enough to have several good relationships in college. i've met girlfriends at a bar, in the library, on a roof at a party in another town, at church. only when i wasn't looking for it, funny enough. maybe that says something. my friend group is probably skewed, but even amongst them most guys either haven't had a relationship at all (even if they are quite handsome and personable) or have only had bad ones off dating apps. i think my refusal to use those has been what kept me sane.