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bilsbie

> Call or email people to see how they're doing. Even better, meet up with them for coffee or a meal

I like this idea but it feels inauthentic. Can you share examples of how you broach this?

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It does radiate "selling an insurance to old buddy" vibe.

The key is to mean it. Then it's not inauthentic.

I also find that proposition very inauthentic because the first reason for the approach is showing interest to your friend (how do they do?) but he second reason is literally (not judging) selfish (how can I get a new job?).

Someone call you after 10 years to know how you do, precisely at the same time he look for a job… what a coincidence! He might genuinely care for me but the original reason of his call wasn’t that and he probably wouldn’t have call me if not. I would receive better an honest call:

"hey I know its been 10 years but I look for a job, any idea?”

Some people around me find that way of communicating too direct and impolite. I find it genuine. But I’m probably the one that should be fixed, others seems to find relations easy and pleasant.

I agree with you :-) I like the "Hey it's been 10 years and now ..." approach.

Nothing strange about that at all? It's just not possible to stay in active contact with everyone one has met in life and likes being with. (Well, of course it depends)

I have in mind a friend who on first contact, comes off as somewhat superficial and business-brained, b/c he's always hitting people up for lunches, or calls, and likes to talk about jobs.

The thing is, he does that all the time. Employed, unemployed, rain, shine. And he doesn't just like to talk about (or look for) opportunities for him, but for everyone else, too. So over time, you realize that's just how he is/what he does, and it comes across as completely natural.

He's one of my best friends, honestly.

Like I alluded to in my comment where I said it doesn't have to be mercenary: if you would otherwise have a reason to get together with somebody in person, make plans to do it. It can be one-on-one or with others, but the point is that the main reason for the meeting is social, i.e. you're doing exactly what you would have normally done. Then, during the customary "what's new with you?" part of the conversation you can let them know what type of work you do and that you're looking for. The main point is that you're actively seeking to get together with your friends, rather than waiting for them to call you. This is just keeping your network warm and planting seeds; you're not grilling them for job opportunities, and there is nothing inauthentic about it since it truly is a social call. Think of it as a slow burn, or the long game, or whatever metaphor works.

When it comes to people you don't know well enough to ask to get together with in person, shoot them an email or text. There's nothing wrong with being up front with what you're looking for, e.g. "Hey Joe, this is Mike (friend of your acquaintance Jane from Company XYZ), just letting you know I'm focusing on technical project management [or whatever] these days, wondering if you know of any part time opportunities in the field?" Receiving this request from an acquaintance is light years more acceptable than receiving it from a total stranger.

Side note: I’ve found that it’s never quite so binary. I can enjoy having a beer with someone and shooting the breeze, while also talking about work and jobs.

Your gardener might be the person who finds you on the floor choking and saves your life.

Your coworker who you don’t even really know might be moved to donate an organ to you.

Humans are complex.

“Hey it’s been forever, grab a coffee and share what we’re both working on and how we might help each other?”

That doesn't come across as authentic, that comes across as transactional and having an agenda.

"Hey, it's been forever, want to catch up over some food?"

If you end up hearing about a useful opportunity, or providing them with a useful opportunity, great. But you still got to catch up with a friend, and came across as that being the primary goal.

If you are looking for part-time work, it's fine to say that, and there's nothing wrong with reaching out to friends to find out if they know of good job opportunities. But "share what we're both working on and how we might help each other?". That comes across terribly.

In my experience, it's a coin toss on whether having the last bit increases or decreases a chance of the appointment being made. Some people require it.

Ultimately the only thing that matters is: you have a phrase that you can say comfortably and expresses genuine curiosity about the other person.

Accepting this type of invite is how I got pitched Amway. Twice.

The go-getter networking ethos of founders and small business owners can be hard to distinguish from the way MLMs find and prey on people.

> The go-getter networking ethos of founders and small business owners can be hard to distinguish from the way MLMs find and prey on people.

Aren't all those the same thing?

A different thing would be someone wanting to meet up only because they wanted to see you (not to nurture or harvest a resource).

With MLMs, the people doing the pitching know that it’s a bad deal, and they are trying to suck you in so that you will suffer and they will gain. It’s overt that the system can only work via deception, and the MLM is tuned to make that work at scale.

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