Just an, uh, writing style note:

> Unavailable interviewers provide a thumb and a brief written summary of feedback to an independent third party beforehand. Yes, I said a thumb.

If you're going to do leave the reader in suspense like this—and I do think it's fine and even healthy to leave them momentarily perplexed—you need to add a little more information. For example: "Yes, I said a thumb. This will make sense in a moment."

Maybe it's my own morbidity, but combined with the article title, my initial thought was that I must be reading parody. Surely the author doesn't really believe people should cut off their thumbs as punishment for missing the meeting!