The family can turn into animals, fighting over it, and care homes have developed an entire industry, based on taking money away from old people (and their children).

My brother organised a family home for my mum to move into with him and his wife, and I was able to help for as long as they needed; and even though sister-in-law is an active nurse, and also even with my bio-sister taking mum on trips as often as she could, it became too much.

For one, mum eventually insulted the dementia daycare people and was told she was no longer welcome as a customer.

Then there was the night she was caught in a loop of {want to pee, oh nothing has happened, flush toilet, leave, want to pee again even though the cistern hasn't yet refilled}.

Or wandering out of the house and being lost immediately; fortunately the drivers paid attention when she crossed the road dangerously, and the other time she was only lost in the back garden so I found her immediately. But she resented not being allowed to wander, too.

Each of us still visits the grave, when we can — harder for me than the rest, as I'm in a different country now.