I agree with both of you, but also want to point out that it's easier to make these criticisms in retrospect.

I think the West was making the best calculus it could as the situation developed. Sure, you can say we should have known Putin was bluffing about redlines. But the downside of all out war is high enough that, when multiplied by the probability, you still get a bad number. I think it's reasonable that Western governments played it cautiously and hoped for a different resolution (like a successful internal coup).

But yes, now we are where we are and it sucks for Ukraine.