I have no doubt that I'm not living up to my potential. I don't see any way to get there given my disability and lack of real coaching.
The problem is that companies often promote folks with excellent technical skills into people centric roles like an EM. Sometimes you get lucky and they are naturally good at the stuff. But more often than not, they really struggle. It's a conundrum. If you hire someone who nails it on the people stuff but is weaker on the technical side then they aren't able to make informed decisions.
I've been head of eng before. It's a hard job and I ultimately switched jobs to go back to IC work. I took the coaching aspect seriously when I was in the role though. I think ultimately you need to understand what your report wants and give them projects, feedback, and resources to achieve those goals. The big caveat being that sometimes the role that person is looking for isn't available. You can't have an entire team of principle engineers for example. So another aspect is to be clear about what is and isn't possible in terms of career path at your co. and try to find other incentives like pay etc to keep them happy. YMMV of course.
I mentor a few juniors and CS students outside of work and it's rewarding, but it frequently makes me wish I had a mentor of my own as well, ideally someone with ADHD who could give me specific advice. I guess all we can do is be the change we want to see in the world, and to stay vigilant against bureaucratic systems.
My advice is to figure out exactly where you want to be and make no compromises on getting there. It can be difficult navigating politics with ASD, but over time it can become one of your greatest assets as you pay more attention to it than the average person. I know this seems like a vague generality, but without knowing specifics all I can offer is general advice.
Aristotle would disagree.