4-5 years later, here is the issue I ran into… I was put in a position to take a managerial role, because I was performing a lot of those duties in an unofficial capacity already. Projects needed to be organized, decisions on what work was worth doing needed to be made, roadmaps defined, resources allocated, metrics collected and reviewed, team members needed evaluations, etc. When I moved back to be an IC I stopped doing these things, thinking the people whose job it was to do these things now would do them. They didn’t. I feel like I need to step up and do this stuff again, because the last several years have gone so poorly, but then I’m stepping back on the ladder I actively stepped off of. I know where it leads, so I kick the can down the road and hope for someone to start actually managing the team. I meantime our whole team starts looking worse and worse.
Maybe OP works are a place with more competent management, but if they are rising up and taking on these tasks because no one else is able or willing to do the work, going back to being an IC will leave a vacuum that may not get filled.
The only step up you should be considering is to a better role, at a better company, with better leadership.
You're choosing to dwell in that chaos. You've always the option of looking in the mirror, asking hard questions on your motives, and then moving on to somewhere peaceful.
I switched companies for one with more professional management. Flat org structure just means “squeeze all the juice out of your experienced engineers until they quit.”
I really don't like this take to be honest, I will only work at a company that I want to work at. It's not like working a mindless 9-5 where I just want to clock out and leave. I'm there because I want to be and believe in the product/company I'm working for.
There's nothing wrong with that, regardless of managment, if I'm working towards something, I already feel I want to improve it.
It's not a "Hero syndrome" as you mentioned in your other comment, it's more having self respect for your work.
Self-respect has to do with doing the work you're asked to do well, not making sure the corporation runs better than it's leadership facilitates.
Guilt helps no-one. Better to take that energy you're expending on guilt and redirect it into making this situation work for both you and those around you.
Your needs matter too, and while no job is perfect, it sucks to dread work every day! I hope you can talk to them and find a better balance.