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I like the nuance you're bringing to this. When originally writing the article, I considered using a gym/weightlifting analogy, as it felt extremely relevant. I agree that the cost/benefit part can really be important. I might lean a bit more into my edge if I'm talking with someone I really care about, even if the cost/risk to me might be a little higher. I'm also much less likely to lean into my edge if I feel the person is a potential powder keg.

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Haha, having "high intensity" conversations was one of the things I was thinking of bringing up but couldn't find a concise way to express in the time I had to write the comment. I've written letters where I was like, this is either going to help this other person, or completely destroy our relationship. On the other hand, there are loads of conversations that I won't have, because I don't really foresee "moving the needle" of the other person (or anyone reading / listening to the conversation), and just having the conversation would get me really worked up and angry for no good reason.

Re not talking to a potential powder keg, if you're interested the opinion of one ancient guy a lot of people look to for advice:

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." -Jesus

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