Ask HN: Hacking your brain after trauma and mental health crisis?
Timeline of events:
- March 1st I separated from my wife 18 years. - March 28th, my mom died. - April 7th met someone who'd become a unhealthy relationship (trauma bond) - May 30th divorce finalized - June 1st (trauma bond disintegration began) - June 14th (Grandma who raised me dies).
I'm 44, so there may be a midlife crisis involved. I'm semi-transient living with roommates, after a stint in cheap motels.
Mental health:
- High Functioning Borderline Personality Disorder (diagnosed this year), - ASD (undiagnosed - suspected by my therapist), - Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive - Limerencing, ADHD (Inattentive).
Finances: Able to program, unable to focus, was doordashing but lost my car last week (engine).
Strategies so far:
- Make new friends (I had zero support network, zero friends, zero family that isn't my ex-wife and kids). - Do activities like: Volleyball, karaoke with local singles, etc. - Therapy - Journaling (I journal into a GPT relationship coach custom gpt and it's been very insightful and when I want to send an email to the object of my affection ... I just send it to the bot first and it talks me out of it and convinces me its a bad idea and walks me through coping skills.)
Goals / Plans:
- Move to SLC, culture is different than St George and I think it'll be good for me, still close enough to see my kids regularly. - Start a drone business or agency, drone would be my pick as it'd be a hobby kind of too and keep me more interested. Plus I'm a bit burned out on web stuff. ON the other hand my wheelhouse is digital marketing and web dev so a digital agency would be easier to start probably. - Waiting on inheritance to pull plug on businesses. - Trying to stay afloat till then. - Fix credit that's gone to hell the past 2 years.
I go through cycles where i feel good, and like I'm 'coming to my senses', and everything makes sense... but then I hit a wall and I start going back to bad habits.
My mental health goals involve: Ditch people pleasing behaviors, set boundaries, learn to pace relationships (don't fall or limerence too hard until compatibility checks out), learn secure attachment, work on DBT skills until they're second nature, receive Ketamine treatment.
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I think I have a good ...plan or framework...but I'm also spiraling a lot lately, and if anybody's been in something similar, I could really use advice on what you did to ... survive.
I don't want to go too dark, but ideation has been at a level 9 some days towards the beginning and up til August.
I could really just use advice, tips, resources (mentally, emotionally, physically, or financial). If I can make it to inheritance, I'm thinking I'm going to take a trip to Europe or something fun to just reset myself then start a business with the remainder - mostly hiring sales people to close sales and find new business.
Not sure if this is approved here but my main question: How have you hacked your brain to survive trauma, and mental health crisis?