In German: "es ist noch nie ein Meister vom Himmel gefallen". We all start somewhere, we go to school, we have teachers, we have trainers/coaches, we have mentors, ...
I don't think studying it alone will help, best is with people around. Parents and friends will help us to learn how to ride a bike. They will give an example, they will give feedback on our attempts, they will propose what and how to try to master it. After the initial basic hurdle is done, then comes a lot of practice. But again, best by being embedded in a community. Learning such skills is a social activity.
There is a lot of pedagogical material to learn programming with Lisp, Logo, Scheme. I had courses about software development, using languages like PASCAL, LISP, Scheme and others. We got exercises and feedback. We got access to computers, cpu time and an environment for coding. I looked around and setup my own tools and wrote stuff with it. I discussed this stuff (code, environment, architecture, styles, ...) with a friend.
> perhaps this stuff that's easy for me is hard for others, and I should not blame them for them finding it hard?
Lot's of people are frightened by thinking/hearing that it is hard, while in fact it actually isn't.
For example one of reads that German is very difficult for native English speakers. There are a lot of justifications given for that. The actual data says something different. German is very near to English, English even is a Germanic language: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germanic_languages
The actual ranking: https://effectivelanguagelearning.com/language-guide/languag...
Trying to learn Lisp without actually trying to write code, sounds like trying to learn a language without actually trying to speak with people. Possible, but unnecessary hard.
We need to make our brain adapt to the new language by moving into an environment, where the words connect to the real world and thus to meaning.
Maybe just allow yourself to think: Giving feedback is not "blaming". That's an early concept needed for moving forward.