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I jokingly suggest that, by definition, the only person who uses English properly and speaks without an accent is the King.

Hence the "Royal Academy of English" -> RAE, as in Real Academia Española.

If it's English because the King speaks it, how come the most famous document written in (modern) English tells the King to take a hike?

But the King is basically German. ~

Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after which a peal of ordnance is shot off.