>We had to ban YouTube, and doing so was possibly the single best boundary we've set as parents

Sounds horrible. My young teens have been on youtube for like 6+ years. They can watch hour long videos no problem. So what if they are trash sometimes? They are into it, paying attention and it's their entertainment. But then they also end up watching and learning so many different things they aren't going to see anywhere else. Or randomly come across chess videos then start watching those etc.

My kids have more screen time than 99% of kids I know, yet they are super well behaved, have many interests, do well in school, etc. I couldn't ask for better kids.

>If we hadn't we'd probably have never spoken to our kids again.

Sounds like a You problem. Not a YouTube problem.