You seem to be blinded by some serious Microsoft hatred. "Microsoft Randomised Brand Name(TM)"? "Office" is "random"? I suppose you think "Apple" or "Linux" or "Ubuntu" or "Sun" or whatever it is you are a fan of is less random? Another ridiculous statement.

Your friend told you you have a virus? Well if you know that means "Security" click on there, and, logically being unfamiliar with the 4 choices you pick the first one, "Security Home". Bang, right there in front of you:

    "Download Microsoft Security Essentials for free.  Help shield your computer from viruses, spyware, and other malware."

If you're too scared to click twice, or if the word "Security" is unfamiliar in the context of viruses, type "virus" in the search box on the home page. First result:

    "What is a Computer Virus | What Do Computer Viruses Do.  Have you ever wondered what is a computer virus or what do computer viruses do? Learn how are computer viruses spread and how to prevent them."

Second and third results discuss virus removal.

That's the only specific use case you mentioned and I had zero problems finding the correct solution. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to criticize Microsoft (the 3 hours I wasted yesterday trying to get ASP.NET MVC 4 working is one of them). But you didn't list one valid criticism with a specific use case. The rest of your post is a vague rant.