Did you compare older versions of OpenSSL against the kernels that were contemporary to their release dates?
And I read the LKML thread. In particular, I don't agree with statement 2, which seems to boil down to "it's harder to get right on VMs, and one time we forgot we had to special case hibernation, so that serves as justification for the vDSO."
The notion seemingly being "we want to make it easy to write carefree cryptographically secure code all managed by the kernel." I think you can have two of those three but probably not all three at once. What end state are we actually trying to create here?