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Crazy how most fonts don't support any of this... (update: oops, I'm wrong!)

Almost all fonts commonly used today support most if not all of this (except for variable axes, because that's still a relatively new development)

Variable Axes have been around since Adobe Multiple Masters in the mid to early 90s:

But the "fvar" table [1], as part of the OpenType specification, has not.

Because not all typefaces are OpenType, and not all OpenType typefaces have features set.