> It never gets a chance to say "man I should clear up some space cause I'm running out".

To add to everything you said, depending on the type of framework you are using sometimes you don't even want it to do that. The JVM will try increasingly desperate measures, looped GC scans, ref processing, and sleeps with backoffs. With a huge heap, that can easily take hundreds to thousands of ms.

At scale, it's often better to just kill the JVM right away if the heap fills up. That way your open connections don't have all that extra latency added before the clients figure out something went wrong. Even if the JVM could recover this time, usually it will keep limping along and repeating this cycle. Obviously monitor, collect data, and determine the root cause immediately when that happens.