> Lives at a particular location, and has an exact address.
A person in the UK may live at any natural number of places, including zero. The NHS has specific provisions for providing healthcare to the homeless. At the other end of the spectrum, landowners with property in different parliamentary constituencies were entitled to vote in all of those constituencies until the passage of the Representation of the People Act 1948.
> Has a specific name.
In the UK, a person has no specific legal name. A person may use any name they wish, including multiple names, without the need for a deed poll or any other legal instrument.
> Earns money in a currency which the government understands, and pays taxes in it.
The UK has a thriving (although regulated) cryptocurrency sector. Tax policy is a little lax, and it's very easy for someone to live in the UK unbanked and untaxed, which is probably a contributing factor to so many irregular immigrants moving specifically to the UK, rather than remaining in the first 'safe country'.
> Was born on a particular date, and can thus be called up for jury duty or conscription.
The UK is good at tracking when and where people were born, and to whom, but someone can slip through the cracks of the system if they put a little effort in to avoid service to the state.
> Doesn’t steal other people’s goods, trespass on their land, injure them, or kill them. (Except as a result of the aforementioned conscription situation.)
Due to reductions in policing budgets, shoplifting is currently rife and, when the value is low, not addressed, but this is a temporary state of affairs. Trespass is generally a civil matter, and is only criminal in specific situations, such as when the trespass is into a home.
> Speaks a language intelligible to the government employees who are responsible for checking all of the above.
The UK's only official language is Welsh, and Welsh only has that status in Wales. Some legislation is written in Norman French.
On the other hand, I grew up in Australia, where that list very much applies, because Australia is a nation that learnt civilisation from prison guards. It's not a bad list - the UK is just a very peculiar place.