Things my girlfriend and I have argued about
thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com
thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com
1. Relationships are hard.
2. If you take a step back and look at the things you argue with your significant other about (or anyone else close to you), it's humbling to see how silly it often is.
3. Love doesn't always agree; if you actually hated the person, why would you stick with them through the annoyances and arguments instead of leaving?
Sure, the whole thing seems unhealthy and petty, but I think that he would have stopped writing a lot sooner if he didn't truly love her. I also think the slightly-hidden image at the very bottom left of the page says a lot more than any of his words do.
One piece of advice I got from an old family friend when getting married two decades ago ... the next time you find yourself arguing with your spouse, when you feel that slight bit of anger or annoyance bubbling up, lift your shirt up and show them your belly button. You don't have to stop talking, just lift your shirt up and show your belly button while you're making whatever point you are making.
I've tried this a few times and it works wonders - doing something silly makes me stop and realize how silly the argument I'm in is.
Just my 2c, but hate isn't the opposite of love. Apathy is the opposite of love.
Context: I just broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago because we would get into arguments regularly around topics that didn’t seem surpassable (values, negative feedback loop insecurity types, etc.) and would leave both of us drained. I just didn’t want that amount of anxiety in my life. I 100% understand that some people are totally cool with it though and don’t have an issue at all.
I am okay if my wife disagrees with me on things- I don’t really care to convince her, there is usually no point in (or possibly of) doing so. If there is something that requires an actual real world action- and it is really important to me, she will concede even without agreeing because she cares about me, and I would do the same for her. Disagreements over simple life things can be a fun subject for light teasing, flirting, and joking that help you grow closer.
I think a lot of people confuse honoring and validating each others emotions with matters of fact and opinion. People argue about facts they don’t actually care about, it isn’t usually what the conflict is really even about!
Not agreeing is not the same as not listening or not caring.
[1] https://time.com/6693412/relationship-advice-fights-julie-jo...
I'm not in such a relationship anymore.
> Are you mostly enjoying it or not enjoying it?
I never enjoyed it at the time.
> Do you all believe this is an inevitability for most couples who have just been together for a long time?
Not at all, I have since found that healthy relationships without silly, draining arguments are absolutely possible and enjoyable.
These seem very hard to handle indeed, and probably nothing like the little arguments written on that page, at least at the top (I haven't read everything). There are definitely people who like the little arguments. If you trust each others, you know it's not important. It must spice things up. It's part of the fun. It builds complicity. It's probably a bit like teasing. At least, that's how I feel when reading that page. The little arguments become serious when they are about stuff that cause frustration to the level that the frustration grows (slowly) over time and becomes unbearable. Those things are to discuss seriously. You can't have such funny little arguments on things that make you uneasy.
I'm not currently experiencing much of such little arguments, not sure we work like this, but I like a little teasing for sure.
Good luck and take care.
the depicted Margaret character seems to be very demanding, arbitrary, vindictive, petty, has double standards, has self-control issues (kicking the driver's seat from behind, narrating movies[5], offering unsolicited remarks[4]), she does not seem to recognize boundaries (asking him during movies), she seems to be sexually promiscuous[3], extreme insecurity issues[2], issues with attention and focus[1], ... and so on.
I tend to believe that Mil embellishes the stories, also he seems to have the kind of sense of humor that can withstand, thrive on, and mayhaps even require this level of interpersonal intensity. Also he seems much older, and she seems much hotter. So maybe "it" equals out.
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The novel[6], that eventually sprung out from the site, seems to be pretty okay, a bit of absurdist-realist comedy, maybe like Hugh Laurie's The Gun Seller light edition.
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[1] "Margret jack-knifes from argument to argument, jigs direction randomly and erratically like a shoal of Argument Fish being followed by a Truth Shark."
[2] "Those trousers make your backside look fat"
[3] photo album in Berlin at a friend, "shots of Margret naked"
[4] see the entry with "The television is showing Baywatch."
[5] "when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary"
[6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Things_My_Girlfriend_and_I_Hav...
That being said, we both have our own issues from before we met each other- but we actively want to better ourselves and are trying to overcome our own flaws while accepting the each other as they are. Communication is hard, conflicting thoughts and emotions between cohabitants is hard, but if it were too easy- there might occur a paranoia of it being fake. The ability to resolve conflict and work together as a team is what will ultimately determine the strength and duration of a relationship. That's not something that's easily learned or often taught... and I would not depend on books alone for such life lessons.
I guess that’s the “not depending on books alone” part of your comment. It feels like I’ve gained some really important life experience, but I just haven’t fully processed it or been able to make sense of it. Funny enough, I’m making more sense of it with time and with comments like the ones here.
Thank you for your comment!
Twenty years later she is having breakdowns about the kids sitting around the house fucking off and pissing their life away. Not helping with shit unless harassed. Ignoring her every word.
She pleads with me for help, and I just shrug and say: "What are you going to do honey? It is what it is." I tried to prevent this.
Then I go on with my life and prioritize my own enjoyment. All I ever wanted to do was give them serious responsibilies around the home, but she always rebuffed it. Now it's too late.
You can't tell anyone anything.
I really don't understand how people think they can engineer themselves into some type of perfect relationship. You could easily end up miserable either way. My wife has so many good qualities. Everyone loves her and she is obsessed with me.
The important factor is working together to work things out, as one of the other commenters said.
But I don't believe arguments should be considered normal. We stop 100% of the time and say "ok hang on, we've got different ideas here, let's figure something out" - sometimes we will have to leave it and come back to it later.
I was abused by boomer parents early similar to the OP. And I am not going to continue that for my family or kids. My wife hasn't been abused but she's woken up to how awful her own parents are at arguing
I’ve been with a different girl for five years now, we got married this year and it’s been a breeze so far. We’ve both made some mistakes (like regular everyday stuff) in those five years, but AFAIK we still deeply respect and love each other. The difference is night and day.
* we both have Buddhist based meditation practices we've cultivated individually for years
* we both have been to therapy individually
* we both have journaling practices to work through interior things.
* we have physical and artistic practices
* we take psychedelics together once or twice a year
The first couple years living together can be a little tough, especially if you've never done it with another partner. We fought more earlier on, before she started her meditation practice and before I went to therapy. As long as both people are working on themselves and the relationship I don't think there's a reason to descend into the stereotypical bickering married couple trope though.
In my relationships, I not only caused lots of silly arguments, but I also attracted people who, for one reason or another, were an endless source of frustration.
When I look at relationships around me, most of them suck. There are some good ones, but they're rare, and it's absolutely essential that both parties of a relationship are chill people in general, which is rare.
> The way one should cut a Kiwi Fruit in half (along its length or across the middle).
As a Kiwi myself, I will say I have never ever seen anyone cut a kiwi fruit along its length. That is simply insane.
https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/food-cooking/recipes/a78426/...
https://www.amazon.ca/Things-Girlfriend-Have-Argued-About-eb...
Why do they do this? The reasons aren't exactly singular. For some it's tied to deep-seated insecurity, for others it's a matter of pride/principle. And sometimes it's the only way that they know how to interact with others. This set has a strong overlap with the set of people who offer their opinion without being asked.
I suppose you can eat tea leaves, never heard of someone doing so...
On what planet is this ok?
Welp, looks like I'm team Margaret
Was this ever the norm in Germany?
Ignoring any prudish complaints, it'd seem like a pain for other shoppers.
If there's a lesson to be learned... I'll remember this way more than I'll remember any template-y Launch HN SaaS site marketing page. We're all desperate for something different; something that stops us for a second like a little speed bump during our 8 hours of consuming the same pre-packaged generic crap over and over again.
Good day, my handsomes.
Demonstrating the sedulity for which I am rightly famous, it's another full-size Mail this time. A colossal, sprawling thing, packed full of work-dodging nourishment: to you, a warm bath of idleness in which to soak; to your parsimonious employer, both a thumb and a nose.Its varied time-wasting confections include:
1) A small anecdote that, if you're a women, will have you valuing your partner all the more, or, if you're a man, may be recounted at a crucial moment as a defence for your otherwise wholly unacceptable behaviour. Basically: Women - See? It could be worse; Men - Here, let Mil take a bullet for you.
2) A few links to things to which I said, in some moments of weakness, I'd provide links.
3) Want to be a writer, eh? That's because you know nothing. Get the opportunity to 'be' me for the duration of a questionnaire, and experience the reality of life as a novelist in all its disorientating horror.
4) Probably some bridging sentences.
"But, how do I read this Mail?" you howl, clawing at your cheeks and running about setting fire to things like Rochester's first wife. Well, in the usual way, of course. What are you, dim? You know the rules: no dim people are allowed on this List - unsub now and go back to the Internet, dimmy. For the rest of you scented and verifiably undim Mailing Listers, the standard methods apply:
To read the Mail online, visit here:
http://microurl.com/mil/sixsquared
Or, to receive it as a near-instant auto-reply in your Inbox, send an email to:
gummibandpost@mil.theweekly.co.uk
(mailto:gummibandpost@mil.theweekly.co.uk)
(NTL continues to be rubbish, and analysts expect it to remain so until we're all dead in the ground. So, the auto-reply service in now provided by a cage of urchins at The Weekly. Hurrah for The Weekly and its keen-eyed exploitation of Science and foundlings.)
As you are aware, the method you choose to employ is down to nothing more than how best to bypass the particular filters your company has decided - ineffectively, but still to its lasting shame - to employ.
So, put aside all thoughts of labour while you spin away a few minutes at the Mail. It is Monday. Far better to not to jump straight back into work with jarring abruptness after the weekend's pause: that way lies only personal injury.
Mil.
-- Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About http://homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html
(To leave this list, go to
http://theweekly.co.uk/mil_mailing_list/index.cgi?a=mil-mill...
My eyes are bleeding though.
This is an inherent, unavoidable additional risk you are accepting when you retrieve content over HTTP instead of HTTPS - a risk that content producers are unknowingly foisting upon their viewers by neglecting to even offer their content over HTTPS.
The type of attack I've mentioned, a MiTM, is so trivial to pull off with freely available tools that teenagers were doing this decades ago - this is not a complex, sophisticated attack with a high technical knowledge barrier to carry out, this is something your 12-year-old nephew can do after watching a few youtube videos.
Similarly, in order to "poison" someone else's Internet with a Monster in the middle (MitM) attack, you need to get in a privileged position so as to do that. For people using a smartphone on a cellphone data plan, getting in that privileged position is beyond the capabilities of most 12-year olds, as they'd have to have privileged access into your cell phone provider. If, however that 12-year old is running an insecure wifi AP that you're using to get to the Internet, you're a bit more at risk.
However, the poison in this metaphor is more difficult. A trivial script injection to open a popup is easy to do, but actually doing something harmful is far harder. Aka procuring a poision that only gives you a molds headache in this metaphor is easy, but getting arsenic/something that steals your bank account credentials is hard. Chrome is well hardened against attack, so while bugs do exist, they're not trivial to find and exploit. Which doesn't mean they won't by, but it does mean it's far less likely your 12-year old nephew has 0-days to burn.
Sites hosted on HTTP, rather than HTTPS are doing a disservice to their visitors by putting their visitors at risk, needlessly so - the only reasons for a publisher to not enable HTTPS are laziness and ignorance, which are not virtues.
Sure, the allegorical 12 year old nephew doesn't have zero days to burn, but do you think competent threat actors, such as government agencies who can tap undersea fiber optic cables, who control all the black boxes in the hidden rooms of all the major internet exchange buildings, are unwilling to attack those using HTTP connections?
Sure, they will be in a browser sandbox, but that's more than enough of a starting point to perform e.g. CSRF attacks, or malicious redirects to exploit kits or phishing pages, or set up a proxy using your connection to do other naughty things... to say nothing of sandbox escapes, cryptominers, or any other manner of JS / WASM nasties.
Recall that my call to action is adding HTTPS support, and you're arguing against that. What's the counterargument against adding HTTPS? I've yet to hear a reasonable justification for not supporting it. It's incredibly easy, it's free, and it takes less than 3 minutes with Let's Encrypt / certbot.
This really isn't cute. This is psychotic. Both that it describes and then writing about like this.
This is what boomers think "cute quirky relationship" is?
It reads quite humorous to me, self-deprecatory. They took little disagreements without importance and put it in writing. Nobody is trashing anybody.
To be able to write this, in this amount, they must be loving each other strongly.
I can imagine two very different ways to interpret that page:
a) Margaret is in on it, and considers it a hilarious comedy roast of her quirks.
b) He's genuinely complaining to the entire planet, publicly, about what he sees as Margaret's faults.
Even if she can drive me to the brink sometimes (and vice versa), I still very much love her, and when looking at it soberly the good far outweighs the "bad". Taking a bit of craziness on the chin now and then is a minor nuisance compared to many other problems in this life, and a price I'll happily keep paying for the sake of my family.