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Comment by throwawayigd | Hacker News Reader

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throwawayigd

Thanks.. that's a great suggestion!!

Edit: Missed this part in the suggestion, " If they fail, they get X chances, before funding is pulled."

This is something, at the moment, I don't agree with. But who knows, depending on how things evolve..

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Yea, I can understand not agreeing with that.

I don't think there's a right or wrong here... I just think that at some point they need to know that you will always love them, will try very hard to support them, but there is a limit to how far you will go.

There are two flaws in this recommendation:

Assumption that time spent playing Roblox at his age is a waste. (None of us know if this is true)

And that there should be conditions on your support and love.

Please for the love of god, do not impose conditions on your support and love.

Everything I ever wanted as a teenager was always on a condition I would get good grades. Not 8 out of 10 but perfect 10's. Even then it was never met with any compliments or recognition. It was my job and I was expected to just do it.

I'll be honest here, I don't speak with my mom anymore and barely with my father. If this isn't the relationship you want to have with your kids in the future, please evaluate the impact your demands and expectations could have on them today.

Not sure where the OP mentioned that, but yes, there should be No conditions on the support and love for one's child. It's part of an unwritten contract one sign's into when one decides to have children.

There should be no conditions on your love for your child, but support? Yes actually. You can actually hurt your child in the long run by supporting them too much. My brother was an absolute fuck up who couldn't get his shit together until my parents were like no more. And then magically he knew how to hold a job and support himself. I have countless stories like this. Sometimes not giving your kid the space to fail is hurting them. Fact is that parents don't live forever and when my aunt died my cousins fell into horrible poverty not knowing how to dp anything on their own. They burned through all the money she left them. That's what fate you leave a child you always have to support.

This is exactly the difference between being "nice" and being "kind". Nice is giving someone what they think they want. Kind is giving them what they actually need. I would frame it as: your parents saying "no more" was a genuine act of support.

My philosophy is that it is my job to support my child's growth into an adult and that my sole responsibility is to prepare them to survive and thrive in the world they're going to live in after they're an adult. I'm not sure this translates into unconditionally handing them money for school.

You're right, I think I mixed up which comment I was responding to. I stand by my point but will add nuance that I get the sense you already know, that unconditional support doesn't mean unconditional coddling.

Unconditional support doesn't mean protecting your son from failure or consequences in life. It just means you always offer an empathetic ear to help them process their struggles. It may even mean helping the face hard truths, so long as it's being done from a place of love and not disappointment.

I really do get the sense you know this, I'm saying it mostly because others seem to have misunderstood what I meant.

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