Compared to my dog, a cat's independence creates an unspoken understanding that they are only here as long as I keep them happy.
This is a big misunderstanding people keep repeating. You expect cats to act like dogs and then assume the reason why that isn't the case is because you don't keep them happy, which is only partially true. Think of this differently, cats are like people, they consider themselves in a social relationship with you.
If you have a friend over but don't entertain them, spend time with them or give them foods and drinks that are tasty, then they may not want to hang out at your place a lot in the future right?
Also,similar to humans, they don't show you their personality right away, they are very guarded and won't reveal themselves and open up unless you do the same. Cats have a very high emotional intelligence compared to other pets. They are the only animals that have domesticated themselves. They consider themselves our partners not our servants (unlike dogs), and historically speaking they would be right, since cats living indoors has only been a thing since the cat litter was invented 40-50 years ago. Before that, they had lots of uses like chasing mice and other pests or keeping humans entertained,a mutually beneficial relationship if you will. in many ways they were useful to humans more than even most other humans at times.
In short, you get from having a cat what you put into that relationship, just like with people and each cat has it's own personality. Don't compare them to your dog, dogs are domesticated by humans and heavily bred with a purpose. Think of having a cat being more like befriending a wild animal instead of having an obedient servant.
William S Burroughs wrote about cats too, and in similar ways. If you’re not familiar it’s worth looking up.
I'd like to add that some cats have a much greater need for companionship and corresponding tendency toward demonstrating their 'love' when you've proved to their satisfaction that you care about them, whether or not they allow you to pet them (don't skip to picking them up).
If you want a cat that acts more like a dog, first gain a whole lot of practice getting strange cats to like you[1], then adopt a young stray (~1yr max I think, though all cats are individuals), or (easier, but with a lower ceiling of 'bondedness') an older cat that seems friendly. It won't be quick or easy, but (in my experience) you'll get a very puppy-like relationship... without the barking and picking up **.
I love dogs, and dogs love me[2], but they are the most malleable of mammal species in human history, and the most adapted to our need for companionship, as notepad0x90 touches on.
In short, to me, cats (and dogs) _are_ people[3], and they can tell that I feel that way.
1. If you didn't have many opportunities to try and fail among friends and family, or with stray cats in your neighborhood, try working at a no-kill shelter (if you can find one), or a cat café (the rare ethical one like Cat Town in Oakland, or any other) - many different paths, all opportunities to learn how to socialize with cats.
2. I was once walking down the street, when a gorgeous woman came up behind me, led by her large mutt, who was very interested in me. She said something like "Wow, he's not usually interested in people; you must be very _aware_!" I promptly ran into a telephone pole.
3. Let's not get into diet, because I'm a hypocrite.
Definitely. Although I wonder if they think we’re all just weird, bald cats.
I do wonder about their theory of mind though. My cat knows how to close doors but not open them. Last time he closed the bedroom door while I was in there, and then realized he was trapped, so he came over to me, looked at me, looked at the door, and waited. I played dumb but eventually opened the door for him. So I wonder if he knew I knew what he wanted or was just hoping I did.
I suspect the answer is somewhere in between. Our cats have an approximate model of the house and if they see something outside the window, they'll run out the door and to that window knowing where the object of interest was in relation to the interior of the house. But, this comes from years of conditioning. They've been upstairs and have looked out the windows, but when I've spoken to them while they were immediately below the window they've sat on, they started crying apparently having no idea a) how I got up there and b) where in relation to their known "map" of the house I was. (In complete fairness this could be because they spend very little time upstairs since, unlike most cats, they absolutely love commotion and socializing with humans.)
Once he’s satisfied that everything is proceeding according to his plan, he looks at the door. And if I don’t open it immediately, he looks at me to try to figure out why I’m not already opening the door for him.
Every time.
He’s also the engineer who figured out how to open doors on his own, just by reaching up his longcat body, wrapping his forepaws around the door handle, and pulling. So, we had to childproof all the door handles in the house. Which is why he now has to wait for me to open the door for him.
His sister Mimi is also super smart, but she is too FOMO and doesn’t have quite the same methodical engineering mindset that Inky does.
I had a fussy beagle and have a gregarious cat. They both followed me around the house with similar frequency, were similarly food motivated and both enjoy(ed) tagging along with me in the car while I ran the day’s errands.
There are certain fundamental differences between the species. But there is more personality variation within them than there is between, in my opinion.