> want a native look and minimal effort for every platform you target
IMHO this is impossible (through a bit dependent on how you would interpret the previous sentence)
the way you would properly structure a app from a UI and especially UX perspective on mobile is often fundamental different then for desktop. Partially due to one group being mainly keyboard+mouse and one being mainly touch, partially due to one being mainly on "small screens" and one being mainly on at least 13" screens (tablets and very small Laptops are in a unlucky in-between spot)
to make things worse iOS and Android have diverged quite a bit wrt. "what is intuitive/expected"
through you can ease that issue by having just a slightly native look, but that can easily fall into a uncanny valley, and for proper UX you need to at least follow the native input handling, as in keyboard shortcuts, gestures, navigation patterns
this is why IMO "Cross-platform UI development is a total mess with literally zero solutions ticking all the boxes." is a mess because solutions end up either in a uncanny valley by being somewhat but not quite native for all platforms or in a good for one but not other platforms corner or you need to add a lot of manual platform specific customization. Worse it's often a mix where for some features some of the points above apply but for other features others...
through this doesn't mean you can't share stuff, e.g. sharing app business logic is quite viable, sharing complicated UI/UX logic for unusual custom elements is harder but should also work, but in the end (if you can afford it) using a platform specific UI library for Android, iOS is probably the right way to go. Through for desktop IMHO outside of having to have different Keyboard shortcuts you probably could use a mostly one size fit's all solution with at most slight tweaks.