I like the co-evolution framing but the listing of faults on the whiteboard reminded me of https://xkcd.com/523/
I feel like healthy relationships don't have a rate of a problem or more per week
Problems are much quicker and easier to resolve when they’re fresh and small than after you let them simmer into deep resentment.
“Hey when you left that empty can on the coffee table on Friday, it made me feel like you don’t care about our shared space”
vs
“You always leave shit everywhere and I’m sick and tired of looking at your mess”
If you have so many issues you need to bring them up on a weekly basis? Less fine.
Yes, relationships require work, communication and maintenance but issues coming up that frequently would be a sure sign that something is dysfunctional imo
Edit: And similarly, like another commenter pointed out, treating it like a weekly task that needs to be done does seem like it would invite nit picking. Deliberately seeking out problems just to have something to talk about at the weekly retrospective
There are a lot of things that my wife does that I don't like, but unless I actually have a reason beyond "that is mildly annoying to me" I don't usually ask her to stop.
Part of relationships is also just learning to let the small things go.
I dunno, lots of ppl in the thread seem to dislike the idea, but I don’t think theres a universal healthy/unhealthy line. It’s seemingly just a matter of taste and synchrony between partners :)
I don't think there's a universal line but I also don't think that this is necessarily "up to the couple"
A lot of couples are miserable together. There are abusive relationships where the person being abused will try and convince everyone around them (including themselves) that everything is fine. Some couples have frequent screaming matches in public. I think it's reasonable for people on the outside to call that unhealthy behavior regardless of how normal the couple thinks it is
The same goes for this. I'm not saying that I think there is absolutely no way this sort of scheduled "weekly retro" can work. I don't think it sounds very healthy though.
Relationships do require some amount of work. But if you have to make a white board and "write a program" like someone above referenced, that ain't it. We all have different tolerances but if you're writing software to keep your relationship together, you need to reflect on why it's necessary in the first place.