No Uptime Hosting (2006) | Hacker News Reader

No Uptime Hosting (2006)

nouptime.com

251 pointsViraxi78 comments

The HTML source is pretty good too. A doctype that's half HTML5, half XHTML. A pre-IE7 script tag thing. A meta-keywords tag. Lists that don't actually use any list tags. Raw PHP tags being dumped into the HTML output. No closing body or html tags. This joke has _layers_, man.

Submitting https://nouptime.com/support.php calls error('5') but error is not defined anywhere in the JavaScript code.

Needs more iframes from the sound of it…

And regular frames.

Needs more <center> and spacer.gifs too!

clearly you need to setup a competitor as you really know what you’re doing ;)

Perhaps gp already did but they are so good at it that even the website itself is offline.

> No closing body or html tags.

Well those are officially optional now so it's just well optmized HTML.

> Don't like uploading your files via FTP? No problem! Send us your files on a floppy and we'll upload it for you. It's one of the many ways we do our best to accommodate your needs. Just remember, our floppy system does not accept Windows, Linux, or Mac floppies.

OS/2 Warp is back, baby!

You might also like http://pauperhosting.nl/

The link behind "Click here for English" is a good one, I have to remember that. Good idea.

I once had a link on a Greek website that said "click here if you don't speak Greek" and linked to a "learn Greek online" search.

Next to a German flag, even though the website's in Dutch. Perfect.

I like how deep the rabbit hole goes on pauperhosting. The accidentally included admin panel with leaked customer db, the VPS demo, everything. I'm pretty sure I haven't even discovered half of it yet.

Almost all the customer names in that excel file are taken from "huilende rappers - waddepjedangedaan", on a joke rap album by drum and bass legends noisia. It's all in Dutch... but the made up names are so incredibly funny that i use them for dummy data everywhere.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o4uLvqM7Clc

I like how clicking "here" for English takes you to a DuckDuckGo search.

The site could be improved with a Cloudflare 'always online' banner.

https://blog.cloudflare.com/cloudflares-always-online-and-th...

Protected by CrowdStrike

This website is indeed hosted by Cloudflare.

This looks like a good service for compute, but it's way over priced for storage. It probably makes most sense to use the included disk for application code only and store all data in something like S4 [1]

[1]: http://www.supersimplestorageservice.com/

Under "Key scenarios" they include "SETI@home output recorder". Ouch.

Finally I have discovered where my university moodle servers are located!

The site being currently up does not inspire confidence.

This is just the marketing site.

Reasonable to expect it's hosted on different infra with different reliability

It even survives the HN hug of death. Very disappointing.

How bad is the HN hug of death btw? My laptop can serve 200k QPS per core. I can't imagine HN is that much more intensive? Are 1vCPU VMs just that much worse?

Yes, they are much worse than bon-fide actual single cores on most recently purchased laptops. But also, the HN hug of death mostly happens with tiny non-static sites that are sloppily hosted. If you're serving static assets it's hard to "hug of death" a Casio watch.

The thing that gets saturated first for most at-home or cheap-VPS hosting is the low-throughput network uplink.

Can you serve 200GB of an average 1mb large HTML page per second too, per core?

No, definitely not.

Your laptop can serve 200k qps per core?

To be fair, most modern computers can, but yes.

Holy crap what kind of laptop are you running?

M3 at work, Acer Swift 3 at home. Both are comparable in that regard. You can do 200k QPS of actual work (a little protobuf parsing, a little old-school ML, handling the networking, a little HTTP1.1 parsing, ...), more if you just want vanity metrics, just by wrapping something like uSockets [0] and not doing anything to explicitly pessimize the system.

You can do better with a hand-crafted solution, but most projects don't need anything fancier.

[0] https://github.com/uNetworking/uSockets

Context is a website, so HTTPS requests per second would be the relevant metric.

I'm also quoting HTTPS requests per second.

I heard they’re announcing unlimited write-only object storage soon

Perfect place for hosting internal docs

How do we know they even power up any servers at all, for the service? I mean, they could simply just not power up any servers at all. Till then, I’ll opt for the ‘take-my-money’ plan.

Ideally they wouldn’t need to power up the servers but you can see from the graph that unfortunately there’s still some uptime, though they are working on it, maybe once they reach 100% downtime

I think I heard that moving from 99.99% unavailability to 99.999% unavailability costs ten times more.

Wow this is the kind of thing that will disrupt a ton of industries!

/golf clap

I have a new business idea.

I’m going to rent out 64-core systems with oodles of RAM, with ZFS.

This is the catch: the ZFS pool is based on mirrors of 3.5 inch floppies

That's a Sweet Dream.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGfkPCZYfFw

I got the reference ;-)

This one pairs great with https://devnull-as-a-service.com/

I mean, just check this list of features:

https://devnull-as-a-service.com/features/

And the pricing is super competitive too!

https://devnull-as-a-service.com/pricing/

Yep! Also this one comes to mind

http://www.supersimplestorageservice.com/

This is a great place to host all those litigation hold files.

The support form does nothing at all, but I think it would be much more effective if it led me to believe it did a lot more than it does.

This reminds me of Microsith, which had a support form where you can ask it questions, but the response was always "format and reinstall".

https://web.archive.org/web/20050206190826/http://microsith....

Agree, was disappointed there was no easter egg here.

This is a great host for all my privacy disclosures for my websites and apps.

Don’t forget https://HostGecko.com

I miss these old joke websites. No Uptime is old af

It has Dedicated Win 3.11, so it would be the perfect platform for the current CrowdStrike craze.

Out of interest, that mentions "Dedicated Win 3.11", so silly question, I assume you would be able to install DOS on a dedicated server, but might it be possible to run DOS/Win 3.11 on EC2 (I couldn't find a publicly accessible list of AMIs)

Twitter account for this site is still active: https://x.com/nouptime

Ugh. I can’t get to the purchase screen. Nothing seems to work properly. 24/8 support?! This site is a joke.

https://archive.is/fqe0o

up since 2016!

https://nouptime.com/admin.php

Finally a service that tells the truth!

Soon to be acquired by CrowdStrike

Free identity theft included!

I wonder if I can make an interesting project using the I'm-poor specs

DTaaS

Down-time as a Service

That is such a classic template.

> Free Identity Theft

Less mistakes and nonsense facts in the features list than half the products on Aliexpress and Amazon these days.

everything about this design is such a throwback.

Sign me up!

Yeah, but does it come with IPMI that doesn't work?

I am not very good at telling jokes.

But even i can tell, that this is low effort. You really get a laugh out of it? Like "hahahaha, they said PHP 5"?

This site is very, very old.

And php 6 doesn't exists.

That's a little thing we call a joke.

Wonder if they support Perl 6 though.

Yes.

Yeah, agreed.

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