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Comment by low_tech_love | Hacker News Reader

Is this really a good idea? I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while, but a part of me tells me it’d just be weird and morbid for them, and maybe interfere in their ability to let me go and live their life to the fullest.

I don’t mean videos of us together doing stuff (I.e. memories) but videos meant directly for them to watch. I’m thinking about giving them advice for adulthood and telling them about who I am, and also tell them about who they are as kids (so they can remember it after they grow up). But I’m still not convinced it’s a good idea.

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There's an old episode of RadioLab or This American Life (I can't remember which) that explores this very topic. If memory serves, there was a woman who lost her mum at an early age but her mum recorded videos to be shared with her at certain points in her life (birthdays, graduations, etc). I recall her mentioning she came to dread those events knowing she would have to relive losing her mum by watching the video. I can't recall if she felt it was a net positive or not.

I wish you could remember more, I'd like to listen to that

Possibly not what OP was thinking of, but maybe this one https://www.thisamericanlife.org/283/transcript

Ctrl+f "video"

The biggest thing people who have lost someone close to them have to say is that they start to forget what the person looked like and sounded like. I am doing it - I think if you keep it casual, like "hey, I was just thinking about you and the day you graduate high school, and I'll bet....." kind of thing, you're making it less morbid.

Don't make it morbid then? Just talk to them and let them get to know who you are.

That itself is incredibly difficult as most people can't describe who they are beyond their name and title.

Telling stories about who you are seems valuable. I almost think tying recordings to specific life events might be a mistake.

I have located different bits of old media recorded of my grandfathers on both sides. One example being a long form interview about my maternal grandfather’s Korean War experiences. I enjoy watching or listening to these from time to time. If my father passed early I am sure I would’ve been very grateful to hear his words too.

My mother passed away from lung cancer about 2 years ago.

I wish I had more videos and audio recordings of her. I wish I had handwritten letters from her. I wish I had audio/video of stories and family history only she would know. Above all, I don’t think I would have found any of the above weird or morbid, and I doubt your children (or spouse?) will either. I know my siblings feel the same as I do. You should feel safe in knowing that they will deeply appreciate any artifacts you leave behind for them to think about when they miss you.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I wish you and your family the best.

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