I work at a big research university where I don't think you see a lot of "nontraditional" undergraduate students.

On the other hand, I went as an undergrad to New Mexico Tech which was a very affordable but high quality school and made many friends there who had served in the military or been a single mom or drove a truck.

At a school like that with a lot of nontraditional students I think the teachers and administration would have some sense of your needs and also you would meet others who are in the same situation and who would be supportive.