Comment by TaylorAlexander | Hacker News Reader

Comment by TaylorAlexander | Hacker News Reader

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TaylorAlexander

It makes a big difference for oral sex. In queer communities "sex" means a lot of things. My agreement with my partner is that if I am going to have sex with someone else, first we have a conversation about testing status and sex partners, and if that goes well we can have oral sex without protection or have penetrative sex with condoms.

I don't really have sex with people I don't have some level of trust with, but we are all sleeping around a bit and even someone you trust can make mistakes. Most STIs are curable or not a big deal, but HIV changes your entire life. With PrEP, you allow yourself some freedom to take a calculated risk. I mostly don't have sex with someone unless they are on PrEP too, because I only have sex with responsible mature people and in our community, taking PrEP is the responsible and mature thing to do. But we are still fooling around with a lot of people. If I am on PrEP and the person I am hooking up with is on PrEP, the chances of getting a life changing STI become extremely low.

There is another factor. With my doctor's office, which sees a lot of people in the community, they won't let you be on PrEP unless you get tested every three months. So in many cases if someone is on PrEP they are also getting regular testing done. That is not a direct result of PrEP, just an administrative side effect, but what it means is that if I go to a sex party and someone wants to go down on me, as happened in January, then if we are both on PrEP and getting tested every three months, then that interaction is very safe. When I did this it was with someone my girlfriend (who was also at the party with me) knew before I did, so there was some level of community trust there.

Hope that is a helpful answer.

Yes thank you, you confirmed my understanding that the function of PrEP is to facilitate promiscuous unprotected sex.

I think this is a misunderstanding. People are already having a whole lot of promiscuous unprotected sex. The function of PrEP is to make that sex safer.

My friend used to volunteer at an LGBTQ support shelter. She knew gay men who had promiscuous unprotected sex 20 years ago. Some of these people had been so marginalized by society and abandoned by their families that the connection from their random sexual encounters was the only thing they had. She knew a guy that was willing to do it no matter the risks. One day he found he had contracted HIV, and not long after he committed suicide.

I’ve been to sex parties before I was on PrEP, and the arrangement is the same. Have a conversation about testing, and if everything sounds good have unprotected oral or use condoms for penetration.

The difference is that now with PrEP this feels much safer as one of the most significant STIs is no longer nearly as easily transmitted.

Don't even bother. Choice comments from that user:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39538568

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39548905

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40520483

You had to read back 4 months of my comments to assemble your ad hominem ?

How lovely. Not sad at all.

I recognized your username.

It's not just about that user, but other people who see the comments and believe that user's misrepresentation of the facts.

Which facts am I misinterpreting ?

You were the one saying that you take PrEP to feel more comfortable having sex with people you do not know so well, or in sex parties.

Your argument that gay people are so marginalised that ephemeral sexual encounters are the only form of community or socialisation they have simply does not hold with a very cursory interaction with the gay community, whether that be in person or online.

> Some of these people had been so marginalized by society and abandoned by their families that the connection from their random sexual encounters was the only thing they had.

See I don't really buy that. Because I have seen what the gay community in Berlin is like. Nobody is marginalised any more, it is more than accepted. It is even celebrated.

And they still have two hookups in a random toilet or in sleazy saunas before lunch.

And of course not all gay men are like that. But male sexuality tends to be more uninhibited. Why don't female lesbians display this behaviour ?

I am against the prevailing hedonistic culture. A culture that promotes eudemonia instead, is in my opinion greatly beneficial to both the individual and the society.

But you do you.

> See I don't really buy that. This was a story about the gay community in South Florida in 2005. If you know anything about Florida, you can understand the statement that "some gay men are marginalized" is easily believable. Now today things are better, but a lot of my friends have come to Oakland fleeing dangerous places where their families kicked them out for being gay. You're talking about the scene in Berlin, but consider the scene in Oklahoma or... Florida today. Its still bad there.

> Why don't female lesbians display this behaviour?

Try undergoing a transition from a testosterone dominant system to an estrogen dominant system and you will understand. The nature of sexual urges under testosterone is very different from that of estrogen. Arousal under testosterone feels very urgent. I can control myself but imagine an abused 20 year old who never learned healthy self management. Without PrEP their urges may get them killed before they ever learn to control their impulses.

> I am against the prevailing hedonistic culture.

You can be against whatever you want. I am just explaining some facts about the benefits of PrEP for people that think differently from you.

> Try undergoing a transition from a testosterone dominant system to an estrogen dominant system and you will understand

Exactly my point. Ephemeral promiscuous sexual relationships are not due to marginalisation, but inability of what seems to be the majority of gay men to manage their sexual impulses. PrEP facilitates that, and aids in the spread of all other diseases, as in the absence of HIV the protection levels people opt for are super low.

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