The Ultimate Database Platform

averagedatabase.com

39 points·mooreds··12 comments

This is satire.

Check out https://averagedatabase.com/docs and the github repo: https://github.com/joswayski/averagedatabase

How can it be satire if it has dark mode soon? Every serious piece of software has dark mode: https://averagedatabase.com/we-rich-lmao

Especially https://github.com/joswayski/averagedatabase/issues/2

I prefer MangoDB https://github.com/dcramer/mangodb, developed by the founder and CTO of Sentry as a database to operate on a cloud scale

> 1/256th vCPU & 4mb RAM. Don't use it all up now!

The compute costs on some databases are absurd. I was considering timescaledb recently

0.5 vcpu and 2 gb of ram is $32 a month.

Also the prices do not increase linearly, 1vcpu and 4gb of RAM is $149 a month.

What the actual fuck!

That being said, I will give a shoutout to Neon. You actually get a very good db just on their free plan. Let's see how long that lasts before they start the squeeze.

This is a scathing inditement of where we are.

> $2,000/mo SSO addon (required)

I love that this was a call out.

If it's required then how can it be an 'addon'?

Hence the joke...

>> ACID compliance available as a paid addon

Lol

>> Indexes available as a paid addon ($100/index/mo)

Even more lol

>> Employee pinky promise to not look at customer data to retaliate over a personal grievance

Our Infosec team will love this. Pinky promises can just replace the need for NDAs

Shut up and take my money!

How to implement a left join in Route53?

> Developers from these companies have IPs that show up in our logs that when traced back on a GeoIP lookup resolve to that company's headquarters

lol

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