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Unconventional advice but I think if your mental health is at the point where you're posting on an internet forum asking this, you should probably do what you can to exit the situation.

If your financial situation permits it, it probably makes sense to walk away before your health and/or relationships deteriorate further.

If your financial situation does not permit exiting, I'd advise you to spend all of your non work energy in changing your situation. You can do it. You really can. Getting into Amazon is not easy, there plenty of places that would be ecstatic to hire you, but the hard part is finding them. That part is kind of like dating. Its definitely about fit - we are all human after all and trying to decide if we can work together.

Easiest way to explain this situation to future employers in my opinion would be "I had a health issue that I needed to resolve, but it is now completely resolved" would probably be enough to get me as an interviewer to be satisified on any gap in employment etc. People can tell when you lie, so this would be a good strategy IMO as it is truthful.

Best of luck and remember this will pass. You will figure this out.

Rooting for you friend.

Finances are not an issue. I'm very lucky to have supportive parents.

> plenty of places that would be ecstatic to hire you, but the hard part is finding them

This was my experience prior to getting my RO after graduating. I think part of why the stakes feel high is just the market in general seems mostly uninterested in new grads.

I suppose I will need to find my niche in the industry. I don't care if I halve my salary. I don't care about company brand name. Amazon was more less incidental.

I think a question only you can answer is will your stress fade away if you quit this job? Usually the answer is no - the mind is a tricky thing - it can find something new to latch onto to cause you feelings of anxiety.

Before you quit, try really hard to enter a different headspace then you're in now and answer this question for yourself.

When I was doing my undergrad, I called my dad extremely distraught as I really believed I was going to get an F in a class for my major. He gave me what I thought at the time was irritating advice, but looking back on it he was right. He told me "Just fail the class if you have too, if you work in X or as a cashier at a grocery store I promise you'll have stress. You've put in a lot of time already, might as well see what happens here".

All this said, if you're literally having physical health issues, you might want to calibrate the above and put your health above everything...

There's no need to think badly of this. You're recognising that that culture and workload is unhealthy for your body and mind, and you're feeling like leaving. That's a good thing. It's no secret that working at Amazon has this effect on people. You don't have to site particular reasons why you wanted to leave. Just find a company that you would like to work at, and explain that you prefer their product / team / atmosphere / conditions / more (which will be true).

When in a similar situation, I went to therapy, which helps. Also exercise, I find a lousy feeling builds up when I don't exercise and magically goes away when I do. Also eat right, you have to feed your gut properly or it will affect your brain. Use the healthcare to take care of yourself. You'll need coping mechanisms where ever you go. I think life is just about figuring out those coping mechanisms as you go.

Appreciate the advice.

I'm doing most of those things.

My only use of healthcare has been at the ER for chest pains - turned out to be anxiety. Scheduled months ago for a new PCP after moving cross-country and my appointment is still 2 months out.

Same, cognitive behavioral therapy helps with that, but getting out of the situation does help too. Put an end date out there and find another job and use your healthcare. Sick days for mental health is 100% a good idea

This is good advice. Also consider taking some sick leave in order to kick start your health recovery. This is likely to lead to a much better outcome than reactively quitting and then working out what to do. In other words keep your options open. Your employer has a duty of care towards you and should be able to help you.

This may lead to a win win situation for everyone, but if your employer is at fault for whatever reason then you will be in a much stronger position (legal and otherwise) if you don't quit, at least for the time being.

It's a lot easier to find a new job when you already have a job. If you feel you need to leave, it would probably be best to hold on to the job until you find something new (probably at a smaller company), so you don't need to worry about explaining why you have no history or why you were only there 4 months.

Not sure about Amazon, but a lot of large corporates are hot on this stuff and have helplines, private healthcare etc that should be able to help with this.

Check your benefits to see if there is anyone that can help you.

Also if you have a bad/abusive manager that is causing this, start documenting everything.

Believe me, nobody will blame you for quitting Amazon.

My biggest mistakes in life were always hanging on for too long. I worked harder than anything I've ever worked on to keep my first marriage together. I did more work on my first marriage in 1 week than I've done in 20 years on my second marriage. Marriage is NOT supposed to be a continual drain. It us supposed to be an oasis of stability and strength.

At work, I've worked far harder on my failures than I ever did on my successes. Work is NOT supposed to be a continual drain either. It's supposed to have far more successful, energizing projects than death marches. It's supposed to give you a sense of accomplishment and pride, not continual shame and feelings of inadequacy.

I feel like the shock of adjusting to full time work is enough for most people to handle at once. Doing so at Amazon must be pretty tough (I worked there), depending on how intense your undergrad was.

I suggest working really hard at finding a new job. Spend every available hour for a few months while hanging on at work. There are many more human places to work out there, and truly not everyone is cut out for working at high pressure places. You deserve a chance to learn to work and be successful in a supportive environment. Be prepared to answer the questions about why you want to leave Amazon.

If things are truly unbearable you could see a doctor, get a diagnosis and then apply for fmla. During that time find a new job.

Your health insurance will include telehealth. Find a therapist, and talk to them and not the internet.

There are plenty of smaller companies in Seattle that are more chill than Amazon just go work for one of those after working at Amazon for 6 months.

What happens if you quit and you are still anxious and unemployed?

My advice is to keep the job but stop doing it well. Stop taking it seriously. Stop feeling like they are taking your humanity because you’re actually just taking money from them. With the extra mental space and time this affords you, work on yourself. Join activities, see a therapist, spend time outside.

You won’t get fired for a long time, if ever. In 6 months or a year you might find that you can handle taking the job seriously again or you may be ready to find a better one.

start interviewing. favor remote as it will help your mental. when you get an offer you like, accept it and resign.

You should find a therapist that you mesh well with and talk to them before making any major decisions.

Rather than quit right now, I'd suggest you try to get a leave of absence. Amazon is a meat grinder, but they've got a leave policy, and it'll probably be better for you to take some time on a leave than to take some time unemployed.

You need 1 year of employment to be eligible for FMLA. I have 9 months total tenure with internships included.

Right now I'm just taking PTO, which is very limited, after an ER visit for stress related chest pain

See if you can find out about a unpaid leave? Not as good as a paid leave, but might give you time to breathe.

Reading this, I wonder if quitting is the right thing do to. It could be, but it also might not be. How do you plan to reintegrate into work after quitting? What is the plan beyond quitting?

I also wonder what you have done to address anxiety before getting to the point of quitting? You don’t have to tell me, because I don’t need to know. I only ask, because there’s a lot a person can do to manage anxiety before quitting. Especially as you’re 4 months into a new job, and it can take between 6-12 months before a person feels settled into a new job. It is sometimes normal to feel overwhelmed at the beginning of a new job, especially after the novelty has worn off.

I’m not saying that your job is more important than your mental health (it definitely is not), I’m just offering another perspective which you may or may not have already considered.

Have you tried other things like; detoxing from social media, meditation, massage therapy, CBT, etc…

It sounds like you’ve worked pretty hard to get to where you are today, and quitting might be a knee-jerk reaction to an anxiety issue. The problem with anxiety is that it can be pervasive and creep into every facet of your life, whether you’re working or not. Sometimes the challenge is learning to manage anxiety while managing other life responsibilities.

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

Just go talk to a therapist asap.

You have health insurance - use it while you are employed.

If this is more than job pressure, it might be harder if you don't have insurance and can't speak to a therapist.

I feel like my company sees me not as a human but as a set of metrics to be judged and compared against.

How did you manage to graduate from college?

Completely different environment.

College "metrics" are much less obscured and therefore much more game-able. There is no complex multi-layer management looking over you. Your "manager" is your professor, who is indifferent to your performance because it doesn't affect their bottom line. There is no need to smooth talk anyone, and if you wish you can work completely independent, you can skip class and complete assignments alone.

I can "work" from home in college, on my own time, whenever I see fit. I can take time off if I ever need it without much consequence.

I’m not sure I understand your problem – are you doing a good job? If yes, what’s the problem? If no, why not?

That's a bit...uncharitable. They got through college because they were smart, and the professors treated the students like humans. Minkowski was Einstein's professor. He gave Einstein a very good education--and very bad grades.

Metrics are an important part of life--but they are in service of humans. Humans are not in service of metrics. Feeling dehumanized by being reductively evaluated on metrics is a legitimate complaint.

It is impossible for education--or indeed, intellectual work of any kind--to happen in an environment where you feel continually threatened.

If you where to change jobs, what kind of company would you rather work for instead of Amazon?

I'm not quite sure yet - I need to do my research on what kinds of companies would meet my preferred criteria.

In terms of what I envision as sustainable for myself, I would require no on-call, more independent work, less bullshit meetings, less managerial oversight, and ideally fully remote.

I also have a strong preference for open-source tooling rather than being forced to used shitty internal tools with poor documentation.

Seems like sound goals. I hope you’ll find a company and role that can enable them!

We are human resources. A little glorified but not too different from other resources.

While there are certain managers who are balanced and look out for the team, more often than not Amazon has by osmosis attracted psychopaths. Increasingly the middle leadership and potentially the senior leadership are clinical psychopaths who recite and check off the employee growth metrics. My prediction is that in a few years it will implode like a neutron star because of a critical mass of psychopaths who won’t be able to tolerate each other.

You're a fresh graduate, bust your ass work hard, save up for your house. Then save up and invest 20% at $INDEX_OF_CHOICE! At Amazon level income you can do that in 2 years and pay off your house outright! Retire your parents!

Recognize you're in a position so many people and even you a year ago would kill to be in.

If you were say 30 the calculus is different, but at 20? Hell yeah crush it and grind dude! 3 years and you're SET.

> Recognize you're in a position so many people and even you a year ago would kill to be in.

True. But barring financial hardship, I think many folks would quickly become disillusioned.

> crush it and grind dude

I wish I could do this.

I can suppress to a point but that is what I've been doing all this time.

Once it spills over into physical pain that is where I draw a line.

Should you quit? Yes. Make room for people who are hungry and ready to work.

Mental health in shambles – should I quit?