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Comment by bentt | Hacker News Reader

"But most important of all, is to have a lovely wife, who knows you're daft as a brush, and that life together is brilliant."

Hold out for the partner that cheers you on when you're doing what you love.

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> Hold out for the partner that cheers you on when you're doing what you love.

If only it were that easy. Those kinds of people are few and far between. I’m almost 50 and I don’t think I’ve ever even met a woman who has actively encouraged me about a single thing. I’ve been married twice and have 4 daughters.

Hence the hold out. I (50m) didn’t meet her until I was 30: until that time I dated and had few months relationships with a lot but it never felt quite right. Which became blatantly obvious when I met my wife.

Same here, but it took me much longer than that. Partners like this are out there, but in my experience they're somewhat rare, plus you still have to deal with all the other compatibility/attraction issues present in dating (i.e., you might meet someone who's really lovely and supportive, but they're just not romantically interested in you, or the two of you just don't make a great couple for some reason).

One piece of advice I do have, though: hold out for someone who's a great partner who you really enjoy spending time with. Don't settle for someone who obviously isn't just because other people are pressuring you to "find someone".

It's not easy. I missed once but struck gold the second time. I'm sorry you haven't felt supported. It's really hard when you don't feel like you can just be yourself.

The problem is that you don’t know that you did struck gold until long time in. After having dates a lot of women, I found that just telling things straight like; religion/conspiracy theories etc are off the table, no alternative shite, I want no kids, ever, I like beer, I believe in friends before family etc did converge much faster than anything else. I know that I cannot work with anyone that doesn’t have the same ideas, however then still, on a multi decade scale, it has to prove itself and there the love and respect comes in I think. Everyone has issues, but if they don’t change the fundamentals stated in the first date as said above, it has a good chance. I would only leave if my wife got religious or wants kids; the rest we can fix.

You must advertise to potential mates who you are from the start, so that you naturally attract those who like your deal and chase away those who don't.

I met my second wife this way, and our 6 years together were the best of my life. She was killed by a Russian tank in Ukraine in January, and I miss her more than anything.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

You're not correct, and I could go into detail as to why the things that happened in my past happened, but I can say with complete confidence that you are wrong.

Putin is a cancer on the Earth and if Trump wins he will be in control of the US as well.

Humans, generally, are absolute shit creatures, and I dearly hope that our species goes extinct.

If you've had 6 women close to you in your life and not one of them has supported you, the problem might be you and not them.

I think the problem is that I expect human beings to be nice and supportive.

I've never personally witnessed anyone being truly supportive of anyone else, ever in my entire life. Everyone just makes fun of everyone else, and blames others for the problems they are having, just like you just did.

There’s a saying, if everywhere you go smells, check your shoe.

I have had the opposite experience in life. There are people out there who I would support through what they’re doing, and those people support me no matter how silly it is. I’m in a band, and we’re recording an album at the moment. It’s costing us money and an enormous of time to do it but my partner supports me doing it because she knows i enjoy it.

I am really tired of being blamed for the behavior of other people. are you going to blame me for what you said above, too? "It's your fault I said that it was your fault."

humans suck and it is proven to me again every single day.

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