It's possible to be technically competent and kind. They're not mutually exclusive traits.
One doesn't even need to be kind. Just don't be an asshole.
Too many engineers take the 2nd approach, and then tell themselves that everyone else is the problem when they get labeled as “disagreeable”. At best, they mean well but are sorely lacking in social skills. At worst, the cruelty is the point, and “I’m just telling it like it is” is their attempt at gaslighting others.
Perhaps I should have said conformist instead. Basically I'm taking about what PG is talking about here: https://www.paulgraham.com/conformism.html