The Death of the Dining Room

In my house (1970 vintage) the dining room, while small (has room for the standard hutch plus drop leaf dining table, and not much else) is still a vestigial formal room. Has the front window, has direct access from the front door/hall. Food preparation could be kept isolated from guests, as was once the fashion.

Current fashion is everyone hangs around in the kitchen while the final food prep is done, and only then migrates to the dining room to eat. Which is nice and informal, and totally OK for the post-servant era. So does it matter if the dining table is in an open concept setting with the kitchen, or separated by walls and a door? It functions the same either way.

Much more bizarre is the "vestigial living room" - barely enough room for a sofa - still exists but its minuscule size admits that the real living room is now the rear-facing family room. To be clear, my house still has the full (front facing) living room, with the fireplace and all. But I've seen the tiny vestigial living rooms in more modern houses.

I definitely feel both ways about this. When I have a couple of close friends over, I like them to have a place to sit and chat that feels connected to the kitchen. I'm happy to chat and drink with them while I chop vegetables and attend to a pan, and I don't feel too self-conscious about saying "oops, give me a sec" if cooking demands 100% of my attention for a minute or two. And my friends know better than to try to help me with cleanup (though they're welcome to chop.)

When I'm hosting more people, or people I don't know well, I don't want them anywhere near the kitchen. Especially when there are a lot of guests and the kitchen starts to resemble a triage area at a mass casualty event, and when you have to fend off well-meaning people who try to wash the dishes or something else that they don't realize is extremely unhelpful. I need to be on in the kitchen, not sociable. It's work. The kitchen is just for me, my wife, and in extreme cases, close friends who know us well enough to be actually helpful by taking things to the table and replenishing drinks.

The latter situation is much rarer than the former, so I'm glad we have an open kitchen, but I really feel how much better it would be to have a separate room for hosting big events.

I've heard it suggested that the ideal solution would be a closed-off kitchen where you keep all the mess, the simmering pots, the dirty dishes, and the sweat and swearing, and a second open kitchen where you can smile and do the impressive and/or photogenic cooking in front of your guests to show how effortless and organized you are in the kitchen.

EDIT/PS: Space issues are beside the point, IMO — many people living in small spaces have a "dining room" or at least a "dinner table" that is busy with other things the rest of the day (mail, homework, laundry, etc.) and only gets dedicated to meals at mealtime. It's only empty all day if you have a surplus of space.

Kitchens, I believe, are larger than they used to be. Often with islands that have high chairs and/or a separate large table.

Old-time kitchens tended to be cramped. I lost track of the number of old-house renovations friends did which involved knocking out a kitchen wall and effectively merging the dining room and kitchen into one "open plan". New construction basically already does that!

I’m surprised they didn’t touch on the Internet as a factor. Before, dinner parties were the best way for friends to catch up and talk, and fill one another in on their lives. Everybody would gather around for hours, and talk about new things going on in their careers, their children, other friends, news, sports, you name it.

Nowadays, you can just hop onto your group chat(s) and fill everyone in on these things in real time. So, the dinner party became less of a necessity for social interaction; and the actual dinner itself was never the point. With less of a need to hang around for hours on end to catch up, it’s become more efficient to just go to a restaurant, spend an hour or so, and then leave. Nobody is left to clean up, or spend half the day preparing meals.

Perhaps its because the average house (e.g. the Simpsons house) is no longer achievable for the majority of young people, smaller footprints mean things have to become multipurpose.

Restaurants used to be prohibitively expensive, and rent was cheap.

Now it's the opposite.

Another factor may be the decline in popularity of hosting dinner parties in blue cities. It’s nearly impossible to host a dinner for many people due to all the dietary restrictions. Years ago, you might have had a vegetarian or two, but now we gluten intolerance, vegans, and people in general are far more vocal about dietary restrictions. A potluck is the best one can hope for when hosting a party for those under the age of 40.

Can confirm. The single-family town-home I just bought (built in 1997) has no dining room. Our dining table will be in a corner of the kitchen, what used to be called the breakfast nook. We'll be able to comfortably seat about six, but, lord help us if we ever decide we need to squeeze in a buffet or a hutch! What use do millennials have for fancy china, anyway?

It's interesting; growing up we had a 'great room' type large room setup, and we artificially divided it into a dining room and living room with furniture because doing without a dining room for holidays and guests was unthinkable, even if we didn't use it in every day dinners.

I guess the current owners of that house probably just enjoy the large room.

It’s interesting how true this is. Definitely harder to host people now, I’ve managed to get by but it’s definitely awkward to host people in my current unit, and the big thing I’m excited about when I move is the ability to host a group of people for a meal

We own two grandfather clocks. They sit in corners of the dining room, which isn't much used. Of course they aren't being used as clocks, as they're completely obsolete for that purpose.

People complain about modern disposable objects, but they do solve the problem of antiques encumbering ones life.

It would be useful to go through ones life periodically and decide what's become a burden and should be discarded.

Our family and everybody around us (all middle-aged and living in a mid to low income neighborhood) have a dining space with a table that they use for most meals. Yeah, if you're single and renting a small apartment there is no need. But if you are raising kids you need to have a space where you can share food, share ideas, and connect at least once a day.