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Comment by lawlessone | Hacker News Reader

I seen someone on LinkedIn yesterday talking about how you'll be able to "chat with your database"

Like, what if i don't want to be friends with a database? What next ? a few beers with my fridge? Skinny dipping with my toaster?

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I think if I chatted with my database it'd have nothing nice to say. It'd just bitch about the deadlocks, keyspace starvation, that other one it has to share everything with and all those people asking stupid questions.

Not to mention all the diodes down it's left side?

i'd be fine with chatting with my database as long as it's in a structured way. Like a language I could use to query for information and insights on the data.

A structured language for querying, you say? I think you might be onto something here... What would you call it?

SLfQ? something like that, i've never been good at naming things...

I'm not sure if that's going to take off in the age of AI. How about SQLM? I'd suggest SQLLM, but is it really a large model if it fits in a single repository?

Pronounced "squalm". I'd have no qualms about using squalm. Get your results in milliseconds! Squalm.

3,817 VC's entered the chat

Running on Android and iOS you could sing a psalm about your lack of qualms to squalm straight from your palm.

What if SQL isn't that hard if you put some effort into learning it, and then you can enjoy conversing with data in a language that isn't intractibly fraught with ambiguity?

More importantly, I'd be afraid of what the database at work would have to say. My guess is a lot of not really nice things since the schema designers were idiots (luckily I had no hand in it, but I just get to deal with the consequences).

The schema registry is chill, but do not talk the query optimizer! It won’t stop complaining about table scans.

You laugh, but people in incel circles are heralding the nascent arrival of better than real AI girlfriends. She night as well live in your toaster or fridge if you're trying to be energy efficient.

"We strongly recommend becoming best friends with your fridge to get the most out of all its features. Please follow this guide on how to cultivate a meaningful relationship with your new AI-powered(™) smart fridge."

Listen mortician! I just thought the toaster wanted to be friendly.

haha I forgot the Addams Family Values :D

I don’t think your toaster would like the swimming part — better take it streaking instead.

> Skinny dipping with my toaster?

Sounds deadly.

Few beers with a fridge is one thing , skinny dipping with the toaster is suicidal !

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