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Comment by bluefirebrand | Hacker News Reader

Sounds like self-gaslighting to me

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all forms of happiness or disappointment ultimately boil down to a decision that's made somewhere in your brain: this is bad. this is good. it is entirely within your means to decide for yourself, no matter your circumstances or the vagueries of happenstance.

Zen meditation is less gaslighting yourself into "false good" and more "the wise old man bowed his head solemnly and spoke, 'There is actually no difference between good and bad things. You imbecile. You fucking moron.'"

it's the same in Stoicism, once you realise that you get to choose for yourself, it doesn't matter what external circumstances are, you can still be pleased with your choices within what's open to you.

your comment also reminds me of discourses by Epictetus. he sounds like an irritated teacher modelling what patience looks like.

any form of therapy can be viewed as gaslighting

really? the one I went to felt more like having a parent for an hour a week, and what she did was help me identify the emotions I was experiencing and asking the right questions to help me come up with strategies to deal with those emotions.

she was not the one telling me to learn to be happy with less - I demanded that for myself.

I found the process entirely ineffective. They apparently have done moral code (de jour) where they’ve decided not to ever tell you anything or give advice and instead to just listen. Ann’s her the patient talk. This may work for certain personality types but sole people find talking Anna’s talking about themselves exhausting and NOT therapeutic.

if you want specific advice, you need to find the right sort of coach for that advice. for example, cognitive behavioural therapy is a skill that you can get taught, and you won't have to talk about yourself much, the tying in with your own experience can be done by you in your head. I haven't taken such a course myself, but that's my understanding of it after my ex- went through it.

if your problems are financial, you need an accountant. if you struggle to speak to a large crowd, you need a public speaking coach or training group.

a therapist is the one you talk to when you have stuff weighting you down and when you try to talk to others they give advice that starts with "you just need to ...", like you haven't tried it. if reading my post has riled you up, paying somebody to listen to you complaining about it might work quite well.

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