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Comment by leereeves | Hacker News Reader

Outside of high school, where literally everything is a reason to ostracize people who are different, where is it a social issue to not have an iPhone?

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I've been married for ages (so I can't speak to this first-hand), but my single friends in their late-20s to mid-30s say that NOT having an iPhone gets them rejected fairly often.

Seems to me like an effortless way for them to automatically filter out terrible, shallow partners from their lives before investing anything into a relationship. What a time-saver!

You and I are in violent agreement on this, but... the younger generation seems more interested in 'smashing' these days than 'partner-seeking'. Can't say I was MUCH different, but I certainly wouldn't change the daily-driver tech I use just to peacock for a hot date.

Perhaps that’s more prevalent in the US and wealthier districts? I haven’t seen any of that in the UK (everyone here seems to use WhatsApp, Instagram, and Snapchat which I similarly dislike)

I think you are missing the first half the modern male reproductive lifecycle. What you are saying increasingly applies to 30's onward (when males are looking for long term family relationships) but for the 20 somethings many are looking for these shallow, vacuous women because they often can be convinced into meaningless sex. It's a pretty sad state but it appears to be this way now.

what the

I don't want to seem unduly cruel, but I strongly suggest examining whatever mislearnings led you to this point and get out and meet some people

Sounds like your friends are dodging bullets without having to do anything. I say this as an iPhone user.

I would argue that not having an iPhone is behaving as a filter for likely incompatible pairings if not possessing a particular brand of phone is an issue to any prospective partner.

Is there any possible steelman for this, or is it as shallow as it sounds?

Possible steelier arguments:

- "iPhone's are generally more expensive, Android phones are generally cheaper", so having an iPhone signals financial "goodness". Same argument can be applied to lots of other products.

- "iPhones are generally better, so if you have Android you're compromising for some reason", e.g. lack of money to buy one, "weird" political/social/other beliefs, etc.

- Messaging systems are like accents; some people might prefer dating someone who speaks their language in a more similar accent, and others might prefer dating people who use the messaging system they prefer.

Also, a lot depends on your definition of "shallow".

I'd thought of the money one, hadn't thought about the possible signaling of "weird" beliefs.

The third point seems a little silly at first, but reflecting on my own musings on whether to go full Signal-only or not I guess I can imagine someone being iMessage only same as some people are Signal-only.

Thanks!

maybe women don’t want their sms/mms/phone calls being leaked unencrypted over the antiquated, legacy telephony network?

Great point. I will use this as a greater point in my Android vs Apple arguments in the future.

As an Android user, I'd counter "Signal". Which I think would bring things back to what another comment mentioned about preferences in messaging platforms.

And maybe they prefer developing in Swift and/or prefer Xcode?

I’m in that age range and I’m married. A few years ago when I was still a single man, I experienced this firsthand at least a few times. My primary device wasn’t an iPhone and I had women tell me they “don’t like texting with green bubbles”…it was pretty bizarre, to say the least. In hindsight, I’m glad those women filtered themselves out, but it’s definitely really rough out there for our society’s young men.

It can definitely be an issue on the dating apps to be a male looking for gf material if you’re using android. I think it’s because of the shallow tech knowledge of other people as to why android is as good as apple, but the heart wants what the heart wants. For those saying such people are “shallow”, it’s just as shallow to assume the same, as one data point does not tell the whole story in my experience.

Having an iPhone was reason for me not to date someone. I'm less bothered by it now but it used to be without fail that iPhone users were just not my people.

It seems to be an American thing, something to do with iMessage.

Here in the UK I've literally never encountered it.

On this side of the Atlantic, not having WhatsApp installed has been far more of an issue for me.

Never seen it in the US either. It’s always these third-hand stories.

I've been a serial date since 2001. Moved to Android after an iPhone 3S mishap. So at least a decade on android.

I have heard at least 10 women JOKE about my android. I'd say atleast 2 gfs in those years eventually made some snide remark.

Will you get dumped for having an android? No. Is it a small -1 mark for most women? I would say so.

And no these aren't totally brainless women. It's been doctors, MBA grads, women in tech, a writer.. I honestly think more regular woman are more sane about it actually and wouldn't care as much as 'fancier' women.

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