People have been claiming my wife left me. That's not true. Here's what actually happened. For several years I was sleeping with both her and another woman ...
Sometimes in these situations, one party who was consenting to non-monogamy decides that they want to be monogamous. When that happens, their partner is asked to make a choice as to whether they want to participate in monogamy with that person or go their separate ways.
That’s what this is like.
The human psychological and interpersonal aspect is the real hazard. You either A) don’t find two other people that can emotionally handle it or B) do find two other people that can emotionally handle it but suffer from the trauma they’ve experienced that numbed them enough to be able to emotionally handle it, which is a hazard in itself. Either way, it just doesn’t work in the long run.
I have practiced non-monogamy for 9 years, and along the way I dated a lot of people who were only doing it because they wanted to date me, and I was non-monogamous. Those situations always go poorly. Now I only date people who both want to be non-monogamous for their own reasons and have read the books and done the work to learn how to do it properly.
You are incorrect in your suggestion that people who learn how to do poly well do it by becoming numb. In the terms of the book Polysecure, people learn how to do non-monogamy properly by learning ways of fostering secure attachment that don't rely on monogamous concepts. That book explores the existing body of research on secure attachment, which is primarily focused on monogamous relationships, and applies those concepts to polyamory, with the ultimate takeaway being the HEARTS method described here: https://www.kcresolve.com/blog/creating-a-secure-attachment-...
You are incorrect in your two options presented, which both boil down to "you cannot find emotionally healthy polyamorous people". In my community in Oakland CA, with the people I tend to date, polyamory is actually the norm. You can find people who are immature and problematic, and you can find people who are stable, emotionally mature, and willing to do work when needed to maintain healthy relationships. I have learned to broadly differentiate between the two types pretty quickly. Note that I am 39 and tend not to date anyone younger than 35.
I currently have two partners. They are both dating another person who I will call M. I am also friends with M, and M and I actually text more than I do with either of our mutual partners. We've been having movie nights recently that are cute and wholesome as hell. I've never seen a whisp of jealousy or related issues amongst us. We've all been poly in this community for long enough, and we are all in therapy, that we have learned how to navigate things.
I hate to say it, but "poly simply doesn't work" is what every person who has lived in a monogamous culture and hasn't done the research is likely to say. It's absolutely not easy to learn how to do it and is very much is not for everyone. Some people really should just be monogamous, that much I have learned. But to make the blanket statement that it doesn't work in the long run is sorely misinformed, and if you gave that advice to someone who trusted you, who actually did need to do the work and learn how to be polyamorous, you could do serious harm to their life. If I had tried to stick with monogamy, it simply would have been wrong for me and would have led t continued misery.
It took a while to get here, and I know all too well the pitfalls, but I have finally learned enough, and critically moved to the right place, and now I am flush with lovely non-monogamous connections that fill my heart with joy. I have two loving partners and I go on lots of dates with other cute people. My relationships are healthier than they have ever been, and I finally feel like I have found myself.
So please, don't go telling people that non-monogamy doesn't work. It isn't easy to learn how to do it, and it is not for everyone, but once you learn how it actually becomes second nature (if its right for you) and can be really easy. Non-monogamy saved my life, and there is a wealth of research available exploring how it works. Even if you don't want to be poly, its well worth learning about.
> but when OpenAI announced that it was going to have a for-profit subsidiary and that Sam was going to be the CEO
If anything (in case you're looking for a scoop), PG implies that YC found-out about Sam's raising the stakes on OpenAI through a third-party ("OpenAI announced"), which does not look good for Sam. There's even a subtle "but" in there. The firing versus resigning discussion is irrelevant, the focus is probably (and arguably) the lack of clear communication on Sam's part regarding a conflict of interest for both parties, YC and Sam.
As a counter-argument, OpenAI was a running show anyway, which YC was on the know and apparently openly allowed and the for-profit thing was just a matter of time.
I have some bad news for you
If you decide to leave one company to focus on working for another company then that's not the first company firing you, that's you leaving the first company?
No it doesn't.
"For several years, I was sleeping with both her and another woman, she eventually had enough and filed for divorce" means that the wife left.
"For several years, I was sleeping with both her and another woman, she eventually had enough so she asked me to choose between her and the other woman. I chose to leave her for the other woman" means that the husband left. He could have chosen to stay with the wife, but chose not to.
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1(A). Wife discovers cheating.
1(B). Wife gives ultimatum.
1(C). Husband declines ultimatum.
1(D). Husband leaves.
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2(A). Wife discovers cheating.
2(B). Wife gives ultimatum.
2(C). Husband declines ultimatum.
2(D). Wife leaves.
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You seem to be arguing that it's always scenario 1, because in step (C), the husband "could have chosen to stay with the wife, but chose not to". But that immediately implies that this scenario cannot occur:
3(A). Wife discovers cheating.
3(B). Wife gives ultimatum.
3(C). Husband declines ultimatum.
3(D). Wife stays.
What we know is that the husband sees no reason for the marriage to change, and the wife does. The breakup of the marriage, in this context, is almost always the wife's choice, as identified by the very simple criterion that it's something the wife wants and the husband doesn't want. She can equally choose to take the husband's offer of a stable marriage with adultery.